Bank of Sam
I left a little after eleven o'clock and planned on taking an extended lunch. Not too extended. Just enough so I could open up a savings account that has been in the back of my mind and on my To Do List for nearly seven months. We won't mention what happened to all of that money that could have been saved. All I will say is better late then never, right?
It was a semi-hectic morning and I was busy catching up on blogs (the Internet still isn't connected at home. I'm dying.), answering voicemails, pointing people to the correct conference rooms, and playing "Recruiter." While running around and keeping busy I thought to myself, "see, this is how it's always supposed to be." Before I knew it, it was time for me to grab my keys and head off to the bank and see if they would allow me to open an account without laughing.
I walked inside. The Welcome Lady smiled.
WL: "Welcome to Bank of America, how may we help you today?"
Me (thinking): "Could you give me at least $10,000.00 for college? That would be awesome."
Me: "I need to open a savings account."
WL: "Of course. Do you have a checking account with us?"
Me: "I do, yes."
WL (still smiling. Botox perhaps?): "If you could sit here in our waiting section I'll get one of our representatives to help you."
Me: "Thanks."
I took a seat and noticed that the bank had a nice set up. It was a lot more functional then some of the other banks I had been in to. The Welcome Lady walked over to a young-ish looking guy. She talked while gesturing towards me with her hands, and he nodded a couple of times.
They're not going to let me open a savings account. Well, they have to. It's not like a credit card, right? They can't deny me a savings account, dammit. I'm trying to save and go to college for fucks sake. Sure I'm a bit late and should have been saving ages ago, but I'm here now. That's what counts. Shit, they're going to tell me I don't have enough in my checking account. There's going to be some kind of minimum that is only a real minimum for rich people and I'm going to leave empty handed crying and wishing that I never came and humiliated myself in the first place.
What the fuck am I going on about?
I distract myself and notice that the arms on the chair that I'm sitting in are extremely high and uncomfortable.
WL: "Ma'am? Joe will see you and help you out with opening your savings account."
I snap out of my daze and look up confused.
Me: "Oh right. Thank you very much."
I walk over and shake hands with Joe who is also smiling.
Joe: "So you would like to open a savings account?"
Me: "Yes, please."
He pulls out a pamphlet and begins to explain to me what kind of savings accounts they have. I choose their free, easy, and simple savings account that they have. Joe explains to me that I can have money transferred out of my checking account automatically twice a month and into my savings account that way I don't have to worry about going online and doing it myself.
Technology is fan-fucking-tastic.
Joe also explains that I can pull money out three times a month without being penalized. I tell him I wish that he had never told me that. I ask if there's a way for him to disable the withdrawing capability on my ATM card so I'm not tempted to take anything out for whatever reason. Joe tells me no. He says that I'm going to have to use sheer will power and never become tempted to withdraw money from savings.
I think, "well, so much for opening a savings account."
Joe continues and says that I need to keep a minimum of $300.00 in my savings account, otherwise I will get penalized and that should keep me from touching my savings account for any reason.
I think, "I might be able to do that."
It doesn't take that long before I'm a new and proud owner of my very own (and first) savings account. It wasn't anywhere near as painful as I had imagined and I leave (smiling...it rubs off after a while) wondering why I hadn't done this so much sooner.
Now, if they'd put $10,000.00 in my savings account now that would be so great and they'd have a customer for life.