Brain freeze and meltdowns.
Okay. So part of me really wants to write an extremely detailed post about everything that happened while Ash was here and have it whind on and on and on, but for some reason I'm unable to do so. I want to talk about the mountain of leftovers that still remains in my refridgerator because we never finished at the restaurant, or when we sat with Momma for 4 1/2 hours talking about random things on the last night she was here. I want to write about going into Washington DC and touring Dupont Circle, going into three different gay sex shops which was entertaining and educational. Or when we went by the Protest Lady who has been living across the street of the White House for over twenty years protesting every single war, ever. Those would be great stories.
But I can't. I physically can't. It seems like whenever I have the urge to write and really want to divulge into everything, the words form inside of my brain, wiggle their way down my arms, but get stuck around my wrists and begin to cut off the blood supply to my fingers making it impossible for me to type.
You see the dilemma.
Writing it all down would mean that I would have to think about everything that happened and re-live it all. In reality I haven't done that at all ever since he left. Not by myself while driving or when I'm upstairs in my room. Not day dreaming while at work or when I sit outside at home. Hell, I haven't even re-lived it with anyone else either. Not even with, Ash.
Nothing has crossed my mind. Amazing, I know. My head is absolutely empty. Do you hear that rattling noise when I shake my head? It's there to indicate just how empty my head is. I've done a pretty decent job of making sure that I remain in Denial. It really is a beautiful place. There's palm trees and fruity drinks with small umbrellas to hang on the side of the glass. And the best part? You can stay for however long that you want without any worries.
The downside? I know I eventually have to leave. I'm just too stubborn to do so.
Instead I'm writing about not being able to write and seeing if it helps...anything.
I like what Melissa said. I just Miss him, that's all.