Walk The Walk
A middle aged, partially bald, not-so-wise man once told me that if you can't save $1,000.00 you'll never be able to save $100,000.00. For some reason these words rang so true with me. So what if it's obvious. I'm slow.
Ever since I had to get the brakes on my car fixed and drop about $1,000.00 on just my car, I've been slightly depressed with the reality that...well...I suck at saving money. I really do. I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm irresponsible and have pretty much sunk my chances of paying for my first year of college.
You always see it in the movies. That's how they always start off.
Picture it. The first scene.
Girl is in her car, fag puffing in her mouth, windows rolled down, and jams blasting out of her speakers. Girl has a very serious look on her face. Girl is dirt poor but has a dream. Girl continues to drive in no particular direction in order to follow her dream regardless of the fact that she's dirt poor. The odds are all against her. The likelihood of her actually overcoming her odds are pretty much slim to none.
Things are bleak.
Eventually though, she makes it to her destination where she knows a total of zero people. She takes some random jobs to get by and lives off of ramen noodles for the first six months at her new home. Things are hard, but she's happy, because goddammit she's following her dream no matter what anybody tells her.
One day though, by chance, she meets somebody. It could be a new best friend, a potential love interest, or somebody with "connections" and they give her a new option, a different door to open, a new point of view. All of a sudden, life for Girl begins to move at a much faster pace, so much so that she can hardly keep up. That's okay though, because all of these events are helping her get closer to her dream.
Drama ensues and Girl cries because she wasn't expecting or prepared for any of the drama. She second guesses herself and wonders if she made the right decision and has many deep thoughts. But during all of the drama, Girl learns some hard life lessons and this makes her a better person. She sees a lot of truths in things and gains a better understanding of how things are done.
Once all of the dust has settled and all of the dramatic events have taken place, Girl finally reaches her dream and there's nothing but smiles, hugs, and warm chocolate chip cookies.
This is what I was getting ready to do, only not really.
I have been doing so much research on how to get myself over to England as fast as possible that I overlooked some important things. Things like, um, opening a savings account WAY long ago. Things like, I won't be able to apply for my student visa until 3 months prior to me attending classes and that if you can't prove that you are able to support yourself completely on your own, you won't be accepted. They will deny your ass and not feel bad about it.
The work visa was a good idea in theory, but through talking with many different people, it seems that somebody like myself will never ever receive a work visa. Besdies, the UK doesn't want me trying to stay there permanently. No, no, no. Temporarily, sure. Having the option of staying for however long I want though, absolutely out of the question.
So not many options left for me. Way to go Irresponsible Sammi. You are a failure and have blown all future chances of making it to England by January. You are a Fucktard.
But wait. There is light. A very small stream of light, but light indeed.
See, on Monday I was a bit bitchy on the phone with, Ash. I was in a crap mood (as I have been for a couple of days), and didn't want to talk about anything. I was having a pity party for one, and by god I could cry if I want to.
That's not the light part I'm talking about.
When Momma got home, she asked me how my day was. I couldn't handle it anymore. The tears came flowing down my face and I was doing that annoying sniffling bullshit where you're crying so hard that you can't breathe. Momma listened to me while I told her my plan of moving in January, regardless of how much cash I had and that I would just find work when I arrived. She listened to me whine, complain, and feel sorry for myself. I told her everything.
So Momma did what Momma does best and she told me how it is. She kicked some much needed reality into my head and wouldn't take any of my bullshit excuses that I'm always dealing out for others to feel sorry for me.
Please. Momma was in the military. She doesn't have time for any of those games. She has been taught if you want something, then goddammit go out and get it. It's okay to dream, but don't sit around and wait for the shit to come falling out of the sky . Do it responsibly and with a full proof plan. The last thing she wants is for me to go anywhere unprepared where I'll be struggling.
After two and a half hours of me crying and getting a clearer picture of the situation, I fell asleep. I woke up with my eyes so swollen that I couldn't tell if they were open or closed. I took a shower and prayed that the swelling would go down. On top of all that, I put ten pounds of make up on so I could try and disguise the fact that I had been crying all night and even potentially while I was sleeping.
That's not the light either. Hang on, I'm getting there.
I was still in a shit mood the next day, but it wasn't as bad. I was relatively busy with some random jobs around the office, but during my breaks and down time, I e-mailed about four people who I thought could help me out with my situation. I didn't sugar coat anything for them. I told them how it is:
I'm a soon to be twenty-year-old who wants to live in London with my boyfriend. I'm poor, in need of a job, and need an alternative way for me to get a hold of some cash since I don't want to re-apply for 2007. That would suck and not only would I be extremely pissed off, I'd be disappointed in myself. What can I do?
This morning I had two e-mails in my inbox.
This is the light.
Their names are Val and Heidi.
I asked Val if Roehampton was going to be visiting the states anytime soon. Preferably in the DC/Virginia area, because I wanted to go and talk directly to a representative. Val told me that I had just missed them by a week (bugger) and they didn't have any future trips on their schedule but that she'd be more than happy to answer any of my questions.
So I asked her my questions and this is what she told me in a nutshell...
- I should get a job upon my arrival in the UK. It'll be so, so much easier and less painful than everything I'm doing at the moment for a work visa.
- Roehampton is recognized by the US Department of Education. I need to fill out a FAFSA form. (I knew this but haven't gotten around to filling it out since I'm a procrastinator. It's just good to know that it will actually be accepted.)
- I also need to check out the IEFC. They're like FAFSA and will hook me up with some nifty cash without a fee.
- There are plenty of discounts for Americans through the IEFC. I'm looking forward to them.
Since Val is going to be out for the next couple of weeks, she forwarded my e-mail to her work colleague, Heidi.
Heidi sent me an e-mail also. In a nutshell, this is what she said...
- She does work in the International Centre, however she is also a full time student at Roehampton and in her third year. She's having a kick ass time. She hopes that I also have a kick ass time at Roehampton.
- Val was right about finding a job in the UK. So, so much easier after I arrive and I do not want the British Consulate to be concerned that I'm this worried about getting a job in the UK as they might think that I might want to take a full time position and stay permanently.
- Her best advice for me is to get all of my bank accounts sorted out before I even leave the US. She sent an e-mail to a contact of hers and is waiting to hear back from him.
- A man by the name of, Erich, is the new representative for the IEFC and I should ask him any questions about their financial aid.
I felt so good. So relieved. So much lighter.
When I see these two women, I'm going to give them a hug and a kiss, because they have once again made it seem possible for me to get my shit together and make the 2006 entry even though I'm dirt poor. I'm not going to have to turn on my red light. No. I'm going on financial aid, bitches.
Now I have to actually fill out the applications which are boring, I hate, and would much rather let a large truck reverse into me at a high speed.
Who cares though? I just need to do it, and I need to do it before the end of fucking time.
So nothing MAJOR occured. I haven't gotten a big check from Ed McMahon nor have I won the lottery. I just realized that even with all of my mistakes (that I've made more than once) the poorest of poor people can go to school overseas and there are some very nice people who work there that are willing to help me out and talk to me regularly until I get everything sorted out and finalized.
I also realized that I have a serious money issues that I need to address. With that, I've got a different plan, but that's an entire post in itself.