My Mumbling Thoughts

Momma and Daddy got a divorce when I was four years old and Mel was two. We never really wondered where he was or asked many questions. Growing up, Momma rarely mentioned him but even at our young ages we already had a pretty good idea about what kind of man he was.

Or the kind of man he never was, to be more precise.

The older we got though, there would be times when we would be sitting around swapping stories and occasionally he would make a cameo. We would get Momma’s side of the story that would add another piece of the puzzle about who our father was back in the day.

They met in the Philippines. She was stationed over there while she was in the air force and met him while her and some friends were out and about. Momma was young, had low self-esteem, and he paid a lot of attention to her. She thought she was in love and despite what her friends told her, she had already decided that she wanted to marry him.

At the time he worked at some kind of factory, but after he met Momma it wasn’t long until he also joined the air force. The two of them flew back to America and they married shortly after.

He was automatically granted United States citizenship.

They moved to Illinois where Momma had her dream house built from the ground up. She got it decorated and it was your classic 70s house with bold prints on the furniture, green shag carpeting, and huge wall units to hold the huge stereo systems that took up half of the house. When I look at the photos now it’s funny to see a glimpse into that world captured in a small space of time. The pictures have that orange tint to them which adds to the era and gives it that extra feeling that these should be handled with care because it’s part of our history.

I was born six years into their marriage on October 7th, 1985. Momma loves talking about when she was pregnant with me and how that was the only time when Daddy stayed sober for an entire year. She tells me that he was home every night, he would run out to the grocery store whenever she got one of her wild cravings, and did all of the classic husband-things that husbands do when their wife is carrying their child.

She tells me it was the happiest time of their whole marriage.

Mel was born two years later on October 20th, 1987. Apparently he already knew the drill and wasn’t as attentive with Momma the second time around. That’s not to say that he was completely absent, but he didn’t seem as excited like he was when she was pregnant the first time.

Mel and I were only in Illinois for a year or so until we moved to Virginia. After two years there, Momma was transferred over to California and that’s when the family of four was spilt down to just us three ladies. She got her divorce and full custody of the two of us.

Although Momma never talked badly about Daddy directly in front of us, throughout the years we would over hear stories from other family members during the holidays or eavesdrop whenever Momma was on the telephone to Grandma.

He was an alcoholic. He slept around with many, many women. He would steal money from Momma and buy ridiculous, pricey items that they would never use or broke after owning them for two weeks. He liked to gamble. He would stay out late, he never called, he would drink and drive (which Momma hated the most), he verbally abused her, and he expected Momma to keep the house clean, work full time, and accept all of his shitty ways.

In the end she eventually overcame everything and decided that she no longer needed to stay with another person that caused so many problems for her. It took her years to clear the debt that he put in her name, and she was constantly arguing with our lawyer about how he never paid the full amount of child support every month, but she pressed on and we managed fine without him.

We received two cards a year from him; one on our birthday and the other on Christmas. It would always have $50.00 enclosed and a little message from him saying that he loved us both and missed us like crazy. Maybe we could write him sometime, send him a picture, or perhaps meet up if we wanted to. Momma always told us that if we wanted to spend time with our father, we could. She would get it arranged for us, but we always declined. We were still too young and meeting a man that we didn’t know was way too scary for us.

After my eighteenth birthday, the cards stopped coming for either one of us. He no longer had to pay child support for me and all ties were officially cut. The only thing that I have left from him is my last name.

I can’t say that I miss him or that I’ve always been searching for that father figure to have in my life. I’m not constantly sitting back and wondering what life would be like if we did have our dad around. The norm for Mel and me was Momma’s Laws and that was it.

However, I never thought that I would meet a man that I automatically connected with and who I would ask to adopt me if only it wasn’t such a strange request.

**

We had just moved into the new building at work. We didn’t have anything set up and of course that had to be the week when we were having the site lead meeting. It was only the biggest meeting that I’ve ever witnessed my entire time working. Every single site lead from all over the world was coming so that they could all sit around a very large table to talk about very large issues that affected our company.

It was my first week and I was still learning my way around. I was thirty minutes late even though I left our house an hour and a half early. I still managed to get lost and felt terrible when I walked through the front door. C was running around like a mad woman escorting people upstairs and was slightly pissed off that she didn’t have any other help.

Once I arrived, I assumed my position at the front desk and began checking off names and giving out badges to everyone. The meeting started at 9am, breakfast had yet to be delivered, and I couldn’t keep anyone’s name straight.

It was insane.

Things got sorted though and around 9:30, the third floor went back to complete silence and it was only me with the crickets.

A little while later, I was cruising the internet and trying to find something that would keep me entertained, when the door opened and in stepped a man. Immediately I could tell that he had to be somebody important, and if he wasn’t then he sure carried himself that way. He was dressed in an extremely impressive suit and had this charming air that surrounded him. He wasn’t arrogant, he was confident but not in that annoying way.

I noticed that I sat up straighter and wanted to do something to impress him or do something so that he would notice me. I wanted him to like me so much.

I didn’t think that it was weird at the time; all I knew was that I had to get to know this man no matter what.

And so I did.

Me: “Hi, sir. Are you here for the site lead meeting?”

Man I needed to know: “Yes ma’am, I am.”

Me: “Okay, well, I just need to know your name so I can give you a badge and then I’ll call C to escort you upstairs.”

Man: “My name is, Vince [enter last name]. And your name?”

My heart did a little dance in my chest. I know it’s not weird for people to ask what your name is, but nobody had ever asked me my name before. They would just take whatever they needed from me and left. Asking to know my name meant he wanted to get to know me, right? My hopes shot through the roof.

Me: “Samantha, but people call me Sam.”

Vince: “Sam. You’re the new admin for this location?”

Me: “Yep. They told me that I would get to run the whole 3rd floor.”

Vince: “Well, Sam, it’s very nice to meet you. I do believe that we’ll be working with each other a lot in the future.”

He extended his hand so we could shake.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I learned after a while that he looked over all of our locations in the US and had to visit our headquarters often. We would definitely be bumping into each other.

Over the next couple of months, Vince and I would have to call on each other for small things; timecard errors, the Org Chart, or staffing problems. He would come up from headquarters down in Florida and we would have lunch together and catch up. Even though he was so high up on the Corporate Food Chain, I never got the feeling that he was taking pity on me or doing any of it to appease me. He seemed to genuinely care and for me that was special.

Now whenever we get together its common knowledge that we have to go out for lunch. Vince knows that he must take time out from working so we can get something to eat. We talk about music a lot and it’s funny to hear him talk about moshing when he was young and the kinds of bands that he likes to listen to. I would never have pegged him for an alternative, heavy metal kind of guy, but alas, he can head bang with the best of them.

**

These past two weeks at work were tough for me. I had to call on Vince for some advice. For a little guidance. For a caring shoulder to lean on.

He had to come up for three days to deal with some things and we got together so I could talk about my issues.

Vince: “I’m not going to make any promises, Sam, but I’ll definitely keep an eye and ear out for you.”

Me: “I know. I’m not asking for any promises. I just wanted some advice.”

Vince: “All I can ask from you is to hang in there. Don’t let things get you down and you know if you need anything you can always call on me. I’m a great listener.”

Me: “I know. Thanks.”

He smiled and a feeling of calm came over me. Vince knew about my problem now. For some reason I knew that things were going to be okay and I would be looked after. I wasn't worried about him like I was with my other managers on the 5th floor. I knew I wouldn't be placed at the bottom of the pile and quietly forgotten about.

I felt a million times better.

**

I guess in some ways it would be considered strange, odd, or weird. I mean, it is, right? I would never tell anybody at work, "I'm a full Vince fan and if it was up to me I would want him to be my dad." That just sounds plain creepy. Mostly I think it's about if I ever did have a real father I would like for them to have a lot of his qualities; smart, funny, respectful, and present. I know that no matter how busy he is or what kind of day he's having, if I come to him he'll give me his full attention and do whatever it is possible to try and make my problem disappear. He can find a balance and won't take out his problems on you. When we go out and we aren't talking about work I kind of step back and think, "huh, I guess this is what it would be like."

But most of all, he cares.

And that's all that really matters, right?