My Mumbling Thoughts

Oh the wonderful, the beautiful, the magnificent sounds that are The Strokes.

Ya know.

Yes, I went and saw my all time most favorite band that is still alive and kicking in concert this past Wednesday. What can I say that I haven't already said about them?

A whole lot more.

The beginning part of my day really doesn't matter. It was the same like every other day; I woke up, got ready, headed on over to Mendy's house. We picked up her cousin, Leticia, grabbed a bite to eat and then drove on into Washington DC. It was just like it always is when we go to see live music.

Only different.

We arrived a couple of hours early and decided to walk around and try to find someone who would buy Mendy's two extra tickets that she had. Nobody bought them, sadly. We basically just walked around and looked like crazy people who were trying to rip off the innocent students of GWU. Losers.

When the doors opened, we decided to get all of the necessary things done and out of the way before the lines began to get out of hand; hit the bathrooms, buy t-shirts, smoke and text Leticia's friend who was also going to be enjoying the show from the FRONT ROW.

Yeah, apparently his tickets were really "Row T" but he was "upgraded" to "Row MOTHERFUCKING A." I have no idea how he managed to do that, but it turned out to be our blessing in disguise. He wasn't really a Strokes' fan, his friend was and he was just going with her. So, Mel came up with this brilliant plan (occasionally she has some shining moments) and trusted him with Lola. She told him to take a shitload of pictures and videos, because duh! we so need them. It was nice too, because since he didn't really know most of their songs, the videos are really good and not all bouncy with loud, girlie screams, which would totally be how our videos would have come out if we were in the front row, because again, duh! the Strokes are right in front of our faces!

If there was one song that we absolutely needed, it was Reptilia. Our lives would be complete and we would die happy souls if he could get that for us.

He didn't.

Bless his heart, he didn't know any of the titles of the songs so he took a stab in the dark and recorded all of Hard to explain instead, which is fine. Its better than fine. It's three minutes and forty-one seconds of pure GOLD.

Right, so the show opened up with Sean Na Na. I won't spend too much time talking about them because in my opinion, I think that they sucked and wasted an hour of my life that could have been better spent listening to the Strokes. Not them. Unfortunately their lead singer would join Julian later on in the show and destroy one of my favorite Strokes' songs by singing a duet with him. Awful agony.

Mendy, Mel, Leticia and myself were in Box 35 which was glorious. We were esentially right in front of the stage, only a little further back and above the orchestra seats. It was taking them a while to get out on stage and a lot of people were getting ancy. Some folks even tried to "clap" them on stage, but it didn't last that long.

Finally though, finally the lights dimmed and I began freaking out like some kind of monkey on acid. I grabbed Mendy's arm and we started screaming together. THEY WERE GETTING READY TO COME OUT ON STAGE.

They opened the show with Heart in a cage. Hotness. Julian sounded awesome, Fab, Albert, Nick and Nikolai sounded awesome, the stage was awesome. Essentially it was all awesome.

My mind blew open so many times and I couldn't believe that I was actually watching them perform live. In fact, it's still a little hard to believe. I remember every single song that they played though and made sure that I recorded every single moment with permanent marker in my brain. I remember watching Julian sing all of Reptilia from the audience or when he was doing push ups on stage during Under Control. Unfortunately that's the song that was ruined by Sean Na Na's lead singer. At the very end, Fab got a hold of the microphone and brought up this one guy on stage who he apparently had gone to 2nd grade with. It was strange, but awesome. The lights were really cool and I liked how at the end of every song they would cut off all of the lights and we'd be in the complete dark. Julian talked a couple of times and even tried cracking a few jokes.

After they were all finished, they disappeared behind the curtains and the show was over. The lights came back on and everyone started to filter out of the Constitution Hall. I couldn't move though. I thought I might collapse. We eventually made it outside where I smoked a much needed cigarette and got a quick look at the pictures that John (camera man) had taken for us. It was spectacular.

I don't really remember much as far as how we got home. I know we had to stop by McDonald's (I'm so happy they're open twenty-four hours a day) because I was starving, but otherwise I think I might have floated home and had happy dreams.

I have more pictures to post because they must be shared. Now all I have to do is figure out how to load videos on blogger and I'll be straight. If anyone is computer savvy and could help me out, that'd be fabulous. Remember, I'm computer challenged. Y'all have to see these videos. Well, at least Hard to explain because like I said, GOLD. Pure. Gold.

[The songs that they played, in order by albums. My memory isn't that good.]

- Is this it
- Soma
- Barely Legal
- Someday
- Alone together
- Last Nite
- Hard to explain
- New York City Cops
- Trying Your Luck
- Take it or Leave it
- Reptilia
- Under Control
- You only live once
- Juicebox
- Heart in a cage
- Vision of division
- Ask Me Anything
- Electricityscape
- Ize of the world
- Red Light

Posted by Sam at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My time spent on the help desk has been some interesting time indeed. I've learned a great deal of information in such a short period that I already feel burnt out. It's crazy.

I had already decided by the second day that I wanted to stick with my admin duties. Too many things were left unfinished and I was finding it extremely difficult to juggle both jobs full time. I stayed on for the rest of my two weeks though just because I had already told Pennie (help desk manager) that I would.

By the fourth day I talked to Pennie about everything and we decided that I would be her necessary back up person if/when she ever needs someone. I told her that the job was fine and offered plenty of opportunities, but if I had to sit there in that small cube full time I would kill myself. No hard feelings though.

This is my final week and right now I'm just biding my time, waiting it out. The help desk does have it's fair share of down time, but unlike my admin job I'm unable to go and humor myself when I need some entertainment. I don't even have the internet! Our classified machines are all monitored and with one wrong click of the mouse it would only be a matter of time until I had Big Brother standing over me. The people seem nice enough but I don't really sit near anyone and have already been dubbed as the "little quiet girl who doesn't do much other than write."

What can I say? It's a much more pleasant alternative than sitting and watching what they repeat on FOX news all day. I am getting pretty good at blocking out all of the unnecessary noise. Normally it has to be very quiet or I need to have music in the background in order to put my words to paper and/or screen, but now I've discovered that I can even think clearly with people shouting random computer information to each other throughout the day. It comes in pretty handy. Oh, and let's not forget the constant interruptions with the phone ringing and people asking questions about folks in the system. It can be a lot.

Even though I have been MIA from my admin job, people have apparently been seeking me out and have already found my new cubicle that I haven't been able to properly break in yet. Every afternoon when I go to check my email I notice that more and more stacks of paper are collecting on the limited desk space. Things have even started to migrate down into my chair! I'm definitely going to be busy when I return on Monday.

I was also asked to go on a business trip and I would have accepted if we didn't already have our North Carolina trip planned. Well, I actually did accept it but then had to decline because I had completely forgotten that we were going. I was a little too excited to be going to California for a couple of days though. The chances of me going again are still good. It's audit season and we've got a lot of inventory to do. Sure, I'd be a bean counter, but I'd be in fantastic Los Angeles. Perhaps instead of counting our items I could count the grains of sand on the beach, or maybe how many fruity drinks I can consume in under an hour. I'm sure if I sell it right my manager might fall for it...or not.

Other than all of the work stuff that has been blazing by me at light speed, I can finally say that my FAFSA form is complete and has been submitted! Woohoo! At this point I could care less if I got any money. I'm just proud of myself for getting the damn thing in. Well, I shouldn't say that I don't care. I really need the aid. Now all I have to do is wait about two weeks or so for them to tell me that they are willing to share some of that government green with me. Once I get this SAR form I can fill out my IEFC and they'll finish off whatever the FAFSA didn't cover (oh! the acronyms!).

I'm impatiently waiting. As soon as I get the letter confirming that my first year is paid for then I will let out the biggest sigh of relief and then celebrate like nobdy has ever celebrated before.

And then of course I'll continue to wait some more because I still have to apply for my student visa and buy the actual plane ticket.

Exciting times.

All that, dear readers, is basically the gist over everything that has been going on with me thus far. I'm limited on time, rushing all day, every day and working on trying to get at least a couple of things under control. I don't mind being busy, I just would like to be able to manage it all. This schedule that I have right now is definitely unmanageable. I have actually been so busy that I don't even have time to audio blog! I know. That seems virtually impossible.

Of course, throughout it all, whenever I get a moment, I check for updates on my regular reads. You guys are wonderful and I don't comment as much as I'd like, but I do read. I've got to have my fix otherwise I begin to develop a twitch and people tend to stare when that occurs.

Posted by Sam at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It seemed like an ordinary sunny day. I got to sleep in and get some rest since the Monday before was a brutal day at work. It turns out that I’m not so helpful all the time on the help desk and have decided that I would probably be better suited staying put and only helping whenever they needed extra back up.

I took my time getting out of bed. We didn’t have to be at Mendy’s house until 5:00pm so there wasn’t much of a rush to get ready. Mel and I went ahead and started playing Franz Ferdinand and danced around the house being our usual dorky selves.

It is a concert rule of ours that whenever we go to a concert we only listen to the bands that are going to be playing. That’s it. It’s so we can get hyped up, remind ourselves the lyrics of each song and try to wrap our brains around the fact that, yes, holy motherfucking shit, we’re going to go see these artists perform live in front of our faces.

I eventually did get ready, and after three outfit changes I decided on something that was comfortable and concert appropriate. The weather was gorgeous (we always seem to luck out with the weather whenever we go to concerts), Mel and I were finished with everything around the house and decided to hit the road a little early. We’d grab some lunch and then drive around for a bit in Alexandria while we waited for Mendy.

As we almost shut the door behind us though, I remembered that I didn’t even grab the tickets out of my room!

How badly would that have sucked? Get all the way to the front door of the DAR Constitutional Hall and not have those tickets in hand. I would have cried for days.

So as we stepped foot out the door for a second time, my cell phone began to ring. It was Mendy and she was asking when we would be heading over to her place. It was a beautiful day and she didn’t feel like going to her last class for the day. That was good news for Mel because she had kept emphasizing to me throughout the morning that parking in DC was a bitch and that if we wanted to get some place decent we had to leave at least four hours early.

We both hit Panera for lunch before we drove into Alexandria and then it was straight on over to Mendy’s place.

We arrived about an hour early and figured we could either sit in the car and wait for her or we could go find Brian and see what he was up to. Brian is Mendy’s fabulous gay husband who we have known and loved ever since wee moved up to Virginia. He was going to the concert with us and would be sitting with Mel (we could only get our tickets in different rows unfortunately).

When we gave him a ring we found out that he wasn’t doing anything either and we kind of decided for him that we would come over and hang out while we all waited for Mendy. So for the next hour it was just us three watching “The Simple Life” and we broke our “concert rule” for a couple of Spice Girl songs so we could do our dances that we hadn’t practiced since 1998.

Around four o’clock we all walked down to Cosi’s for a snack before the concert and then finished walking down to Mendy’s house.

Finally, at five o’clock all four of us were together and we quickly jumped into my car so that we could brave DC and their horrible parking spaces with millions of signs that had useless information on them. It took us a couple of times of circling around until we finally snagged a parking space where we were absolutely sure that we wouldn’t be towed.

After we made it inside the building, we stopped at these tables that were set up and bought some t-shirts, signed up for a raffle to win some tickets to see The Fray and then found our seats next to the stage.

I looked around and noticed that the DAR Constitutional Hall had possibly the best seating ever. Other than the orchestra seats, each row is elevated slightly more than the rows below them that way there really isn’t ever an issue that the shorter people in the back aren’t able to see above some tall body’s head. I became a little worried after this really tall guy with red hair sat in front of me and thought that we might have another “tree issue” but was happily surprised to see that even when we were both standing I could see clearly above him. I guess the only real issue I had with him was the fact that him and his girlfriend were all over each other and I thought that I might be a witness to their child’s conception.

So everyone knows that music is my chosen religion. I just feel the need to share right now that at this particular concert I saw my "musical god." Twice.

The lights dimmed for the first time and the people who had already gathered inside began to clap and cheer for The Cribs who took to the stage. They rocked the house and did their thing even though I couldn’t really understand them that much. They definitely brought some awesome energy to the stage and completely fulfilled their duty as an opening act. Brian was excited too because he knew two of their singles since they played them over the GAP Radio where he works.

It didn’t take Franz Ferdinand’s road crew long to set up their stage. It was a nice set up and they made really good use of the space that they had with Paul on a small white platform in the back and then Alex, Nick and Bob standing up front with two keyboards off to either side.

The familiar rush of excitement began to flow through me as I was slowly beginning to realize that they were getting ready to come out on the stage. I was going to see them and more importantly hear them.

Again the lights dimmed for a second time, and I shot up onto my feet screaming and cheering like a crazy maniac who had escaped from the local loony bin.

It's weird because I don't remember any of the Franz Ferdinand performance, but if I think about just one tiny detail then it all comes flooding back to me. I just couldn't believe that they were in the same building as me. We were listening and seeing Franz Ferdinand live! Every single song I sang at the top of my lungs and kept on trying not to fall over the tall guy in front of me. I put so much of my entire body into their performance you would have thought that I was supposed to be up on the stage.

I loved it. I loved every. single. moment. They played most of my favorite songs (Michael, Eleanor Put Your Boots On, and The Fallen), but Mendy and I were over the moon, insanely happy when we heard Take Me Out begin to play.

That was the first time I saw my musical god.

It didn't seem like they were out for that long but it turned out that they had actually sang, danced and rocked the fucking house for well over an hour. When they finished it seemed like they had magically disappeared into thin air.

I was still recooperating from Franz when the lights dimmed for one final time. I didn't even notice that the stage had changed right before my eyes.

I stood once again and cheered while two members of Death Cab for Cutie took their positions and began to play Passenger Seat and then went straight into Different Names For the Same Thing as the rest of the members came out. It was an awesome way to kick things off.

They rarely stopped playing to talk, but they did dedicate Crooked Teeth to Franz and The Sound of Settling to The Cribs, which I thought was nice.

They were definitely more mellow than Franz and a lot of people decided to sit for most of the show, but I stood for the majority and danced to the beat while they played We looked like giants and Company Calls.

It was FABULOUS!

The most surprising bit though was when they stepped back out for their encore. They just had to close the show with two of their saddest songs (I will follow you into the dark and Transatlanticism).

Of course it was amazing and I saw my musical god for a second time, but I did feel a little weird when I started crying completely out of the blue during Transatlanticism. Not even thirty seconds into that song and I was already a blubbering fool.

For me, those songs are two big emotional bullets that shoot straight through me. Up until that night I hadn't listen to either one of them for months. I would intentionally skip over them because I knew what would happen, what I would think and feel.

But in that moment as I watched Death Cab perform live in front of me, there was no escape. I couldn't help but listen and with thousands of people surrounding me, I lived, felt these seriously intense emotions and cried like a big 'ole baby.

It was so cleansing.

After everything was over, we all walked into the chilly night feeling awake and energized. It was one of the greatest concerts I've ever been to.

EVER.

And just think, we go to see The motherfucking Strokes in less than a week.

Posted by Sam at 01:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Mel: “How long have we been driving for?”

Momma: “Twenty minutes.”

Mel: “Are we there yet?”

Traveling with the family is normally not my idea of fun, unless I’m passed out in the back seat asleep. So our ride down to North Carolina was perfect since I was asleep for the entire 5 ½ hour trip. I stuffed Mini’s earphones into my ears, turned the music up loud, and then effortlessly drifted off into my own world.

When we arrived I didn’t even believe that we were in North Carolina. I’ve always associated visiting North Carolina with staying in our house in my old childhood neighborhood. This time though we were in the Queen City amongst tall sky scrapers and manicured flower beds. It just felt like we were in a different part of Virginia.

After we dropped everything off in our hotel room we hopped back into the car and picked up some KFC for dinner. We were going over to Janice’s house to hang out with her for a bit.

As we drove around on all of the familiar street names I noticed how everything was the same, but different and brand new at the same time. My stomach also began to growl with hunger whenever I’d see a Bojangles or Hardee’s. We don’t have any of those in Virginia, and it had been so long since I last had one of their gravy biscuits. It used to be a tradition of mine and Tim’s whenever we would work on Saturday mornings at Jersey Mike’s. We would leave a little early and meet at Bojangles for breakfast.

We continued to drive farther into the small towns of Belmont, Dallas and Gastonia. I forgot that there was about every single kind of Church of God on every corner and the fish camps were already packed full to the max. Tiny mill houses lined both sides of the road and I saw a lot of people who were sitting out on their front porches catching the wind and trying to find some kind of relief in the hot temperatures.

It was strange to see and I felt something strange inside of me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something was off.

Momma turned down onto Janice’s small road that leads down to her and George’s house in the woods. Mel and I reminded her to go slow and keep an eye out for all of her outdoor cats. We’d hate for her to run over one and we know that Janice would have a fit if something happened to one of them.

I stepped out of the car, took a deep breath in and it was like we had never left. I felt the humidity hug around me and smacked a mosquito that had already landed on my arm. It was unusually hot for this time of year.

I walked up the squeaky porch steps and opened the screen door. There was Janice sitting at the dining room table, working on a crossword puzzle.

Janice: “Hey y’all.”

Me: “Hey Janice. How are you?” I walked up to her, sat my bag of food onto the table and gave her a hug.

Janice: “Oh, I’m doin’ alright. Go get them paper plates over there and we’ll start eating.”

No time at all had passed. I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been over to Janice’s house for dinner, but it’s the same every single time. We all sit at the same place around the table, we cover the same subjects (politicians, illegal immigrants, gas prices and the taxes on land) and after we’re finished eating and cleaning the kitchen, we watch television until its late and time for us to go.

Some routines just never get old.

After the sun went down, we were all watching TV when Mel and I noticed something on the front porch.

Me: “Um, Janice, what is that out there?”

Janice: “Oh, it’s just a raccoon. They come up there at night and eat the cat’s leftover food. Give it a little longer; there should be a couple more.”

Me: “I swear, every time we come down here you have a different critter that we see.”

Momma: “George, I thought you were taking care of those raccoons. What happened to your traps that you’d set out?”

George: “Can’t no more, the cats might get in them. I got tired of burying them too.”

Janice: “He was getting a lot of them. I remember last year he killed at least a dozen.”

Mel: “Well raccoons are cuter than them opossums we saw last time. That little thing was ugly.”

**

The next day was another blazing hot day. Momma came back by the hotel to pick us up for dinner after her and Janice had finished their shopping, and they decided that we could pick up some food from Big Man’s Fish Camp for dinner. Mel and I decided that we could drive around town for a bit before we picked up dinner and see what had changed since we had been gone.

So we did.

I saw my old high school, the neighborhood that my friend and I had got lost in when we had skipped school one day and saw our old house. I drove down roads that I could have driven with my eyes closed at one point in time but was finding it difficult to remember certain turns now.

I was expecting a melancholy feeling, some sadness, or the weepy feelings while all of the memories from back then swarmed inside of my body, but there wasn’t anything. They were just buildings, just roads, just houses. I didn’t feel the same kind of attachment that I had once felt years ago.

After we were done riding around our small town Mel and I stopped by and picked up the food for dinner.

Mel: “That girl who was in there was really weird. She asked me, ‘you’re not from around here are you?’ I told her, ‘well I used to be. Not anymore.’ She said, ‘so where you do live now?’ I told her we lived near Washington DC and she said, ‘really? What’s there?’ I couldn’t believe that!”

Mel continued going on about small town life with small town people but all I could think was that it had finally happened. We were outsiders and locals could now tell just by looking at us that we didn’t belong there. I never thought the day would have come, nor did I really want it to come.

I’ve always prided myself in being the small town girl who broke away (not really by choice) to live in a city but never forgot where she came from. I never wanted to be one of those stuck up snobs who looked down on those who never did leave the small town. I love it and wouldn’t want it any other way, but having that girl say that we weren’t from around here, knowing automatically that we were from out of town, was something that I didn’t expect to happen and it rubbed me the wrong way.

I suppose its okay at the same time though. It’s so easy to get caught up in small town life, with the slow pace and simple ways. It’s comforting to have those places where you can walk into a store or restaurant and know over half of the people’s names or know that no matter how many new businesses come into town some things will stand forever. After a while though you lose track of time and before you know it, seven years have passed and you don’t know where it all went.

I realize now that some folks are happy to stay planted in one place for their entire life. It’s not wrong, it’s not right, it just is. Perhaps that’s all they want is to stay in their small part of the world that they have carved out for themselves. And then there are others who weren’t meant to stay put in one place for their entire life. They were meant to roam all over the place, carrying with them bits and pieces of a past that taught them no matter how big the cities get or how fancy the clothes are, you can always go back to your small town for a visit and remember that there’s more to life than the fast lane.

Posted by Sam at 01:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A grotty Saturday. I woke up listening to rain outside my window and rolled over a couple more times just to fall back asleep and hope that the sun might change it's mind and grace us with it's presence. No such luck.

Instead I forced myself to wake up only to find that our telephone and internet was down. Our service really can be a piece of shit. I don't understand what's the point in even paying them when it doesn't work half of the time.

Anyhow, I took a shower and came into work so I could spend some quality quiet time downstairs at my now old and very empty desk until it's time for me to pick Mel up from work. Yesterday I was crazy busy running upstairs and downstairs dragging this enormous cart that was carrying all of my shit that I've been storing away in my desk for months. I tell ya, stuff really does collect fast. It took me three trips until I was sure that I hadn't left anything else behind. I never knew that I had so much crap either lying about at work. I would show you a picture of my new digs but unfortunately cameras aren't allowed upstairs. It's kind of cute actually and I really like it. Who would have thought that a cubicle would be so comfy? I also discovered that I have a closet right next to me that nobody has claimed, so of course I had to hide a lot of my extra junk that wouldn't fit in any of the drawers. Finders, keepers. That's my motto.

I also learned yesterday that there has been a lot of miscommunication running around upstairs and it turns out that I won't be able to do the part time Help Desk gig and the admin gig. I'm going to have to choose between the two, and I'm surprised to find that I'm actually struggling with what I'd prefer to do. I'm going to be on a two week "trial run" starting Monday with the Help Desk, and afterwards I can tell SuperAdmin if I'm going to stick with her and our admin crowd or if I'm going to take a different route.

I'm not even going to really be there for my two week trial run anyway since I've taken this coming Tuesday off and the Friday and Monday at Easter weekend. I'm pretty sure I'll have to write up another pro and con list and really think which one I'll be happier doing. Of course money will have to be talked about and that in itself may be the deciding factor.

Who knows. I'm trying not to think about it right now. At the moment I'm just tired and really looking forward to when we head on down to North Carolina. It's only for four days, I know, but if I add it all up correctly, I don't think I've been to North Carolina in almost two years. Almost. It'll be good to see family and hang out where the days seem to linger on longer and everything is so simple. I won't have to worry about other people's problems and figuring out a way to make them happy. For those four days it's just Momma, Mel and me hanging out.

I suppose for the time being though, I'll just hang out down here, in my element, and waste the time just like how I used to do in the (not so) good old days and say a proper farewell to the desk that I've had such a love/hate relationship with. No longer will it be the black hole that consumes all of my energy and causes so much frustration. It's just a desk now.

Posted by Sam at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This morning I woke up with one window slightly open. I looked outside and decided that I wanted to wear my cute summer dress.

Not even ten minutes after I pulled out of the driveway, while sitting in traffic, I noticed that these white flakes were falling from the sky and melting as soon as they touched my windshield. Surly it couldn't be snowflakes! No, no, no. Not today. Not on the day that I was wearing a completely inappropriate outfit that would leave my legs permanently purple.

Instead I thought really, really hard and convinced myself that there was an accident that involved a truck that was carrying tons of shredded paper. I wasn't sure how they got the paper to melt whenever it touched any kind of surface, but I figured that it came in really handy and made clean up a breeze.

As soon as I arrived at work it was straight upstairs for me so I could get trained. Properly trained.

Oh, why you ask?

Because I'm going to be helping the Help Desk every other day starting Monday.

That is correct. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I'll be in the Help Desk area doing...things. Gosh, I hate being so vague sometimes. Don't worry about it though. Just know that I'm excited, it'll be fun and I'm sure that I'll kick this new job's ass.

Since I'll have Tuesdays and Thursdays available I'll still be doing my regular admin duties. I decided to start off part time with the Help Desk that way SuperAdmin isn't left all by her lonesome. Oh, what about Jackie? We already know how I feel about her. Besides, there are a lot of things that I was planning on doing, admin wise, once I moved upstairs, so this will be a good time to do it.

After I went to training, I ordered lunch and when it finally arrived I only had fifteen minutes to eat it until it was time for me to run again and get briefed for...a thing. Trust me, you don't want to know.

When I was finally finished running around (mind you, in four inch heels) and catching up on emails, I sat down and took a deep breath.

It has been a wild and crazy day. This week has been pretty busy actually, and I haven't even taken any real notice to the fact that this is my last full week downstairs, sitting at this desk, doing this every day. Is it kind of sad? I haven't decided yet. I'm sure it probably will be on Friday once I've cleaned off my desk and see it all empty. That's when it'll hit me.

There are a lot of things that I'll be glad that I won't have to deal with anymore. Things like checking in with Le Bitch every single fucking time I have to leave my desk. I'll be glad when I don't have to worry about keeping the entire third floor space clean. Damn, that got so annoying, so quickly. I never could figure out why people are so messy. How hard is it to wipe something up when you spill it? I definitely won't miss J's daily visits (I've never mentioned him for a reason). He'll have to bug the new girl now for conversation. I'll be happy when I don't have to listen to Art (the guy who took M's place) snap his fingers randomly throughout the day, or whenever he makes farm animal noises. He's a strange character. I'll be happy to not be the main person that people go to for stupid conversations too. I don't mind it for the most part but it's really irritating when you're actually in the middle of doing something and they interrupt your train of thought.

Uncle Ric and J stopped by earlier for a piece of gum and they asked me how I was doing. I told them about my new Help Desk gig and how excited I was about staying busy. They told me that I was going Corporate and that they were losing me to the Other Side. Pretty soon I'll start asking people to call me by my full name and won't have any time to go out for lunch.

Uncle Ric: "You're wearing a dress now aren't you?"

Me: "Well, um, yes."

Uncle Ric: "I knew it! With high heels right?"

I took one of my shoes off and showed him the high heels that substantially elevated me to be slightly taller than him.

Me: "I am ashamed."

Uncle Ric: "And you should be! We expected more from you, Sam. Oh, I'm sorry - Samantha."

Me: "I'm still me! I'm just...busier these days. We can go out to lunch. Let's do a happy hour or something. C'mon!"

Lose me to the Other Side? Haha. I don't think so. They should know that I don't do anything as a favor these days. The Help Desk gig will not only give me something steady to do throughout the day, but I'll be getting some extra moolah to go with it. Damn straight. Sammi Jo is getting a pay raise.

These are changes that I'm handling extremely well and I'm so, so very happy.

Yes. Happy. You heard it here first.

Posted by Sam at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It seems like a typical hot summer's night but I won't let Mother Nature fool me again as she has done so before. My windows are open and I have my fan turned on low to create a slight breeze inside my small bedroom. It all feels very familiar and I am reminded in this moment how much I enjoy the warmer months.

Mel has gone to sleep and Momma is downstairs working on her homework, which leaves me upstairs wide awake with my thoughts. Perhaps it is the change in time but I am unable to sleep. Mel and I have just finished watching Pride and Prejudice (the newest version with Keira Knightley) and I thought that it was really good even though they cut out a lot of scenes.

It got me to thinking though about women back then and how women are today. If you think about all of the things that have changed for us, the differences are startling.

In today's society women are taught that they do not need a man in order to be successful. We are very capable of climbing the corporate ladder just as well (if not better) than any man. We can own our own house, buy as many fancy cars, hold a political office and do whatever we set our minds to. We have our own voice and we can stand tall on our own ground. Of course roads are still being paved for us and we are still battling certain things, but the playing field has definitely been leveled quite a bit. We also have numerous role models to look up to who have proven multiple times that it's all very much possible.

Its girl power all the way, baby.

However, back in Jane Austen's time, women didn't have as many privileges. The only "job" that you really had while growing up was to find a husband that could take care of you and your family, and if you actually enjoyed the company of your husband then it was considered an added bonus. People literally couldn't afford to be in love and the pool to fish from for eligible bachelors was incredibly smaller back then.

The rules were strict and it was practically impossible to get away with over half of the things that we get consider to be so casual these days. Back then, the slightest touch of one's hand was taken to be a bold move. That seems strange to think about nowadays when talking about sex is so open and accepted among so many.

I would be considered one of those guilty people who “lives in sin” (according to some) and is extremely open about certain topics. I even consider it to be a badge of honor that I wear proudly. I can easily sit back and joke with the best of them about blowjob etiquette and sexual fantasies. It's all very tame, at least to me.

But secretly, deep down, I envy those simple times when courting a woman was carefully thought out and planned. It is the hopeless romantic in me that lurks underneath all of the independence, stubbornness and pride. I may have been taught from a young age that I don't need a man to complete me and I can be whatever I choose to be, and I'm grateful that I was raised knowing that those options are there.

That doesn't mean that every so often I fall back into my soft pillows and dream about a day where I'm completely swept off my feet just like all of those other timeless women that we always read about in the legendary novels.

It would be nice to have a moment that appears to be taken straight out of a movie script and have a man who can see straight through all of my bullshit. He would show up randomly when I'm least expecting it, as a grand gesture that proves just how far he'll go for me. Then, of course, he would spout off an unrehearsed speech that is completely spontaneous, original and would tell me with absolute honesty just how much of a fool he is without me by his side. It doesn't matter where the speech would be either; we could be in the cliché pouring rain, alone late at night, in a crowded room in front of tons of people or even at the grocery store. It doesn't matter. He would be standing in front of me saying these incredible things, and what woman wouldn't want to hear these wildly romantic words falling out of the mouth that is attached to the man that she is also so hopeless without?

And after he was finished confessing just how much he loves me, I would in true fairytale fashion, lay a kiss on him that is so pure, so perfect that even Hollywood wouldn't be able to recreate such a moment in time.

That’s all crazy talk though. These days I’m too busy trying to find myself and learning how I’m going to stand on my own two feet. I live in Reality and I can’t think about being swept up in a whirlwind. Besides, things like that don’t happen often. Or perhaps they do happen and I'm just too busy to notice what’s happening right in front of my face. All I know is that when the time comes and I'm ready, I probably won’t settle for anything less.

Posted by Sam at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)