Pinch me, I'm dreaming.
It seems like these past few weeks my brain has been like teflon; nothing sticks. I've been doing a lot of talking but I don't really say anything and I hear a lot of things but I'm not really listening. I've just been floating in my own world where flower petals swirl around me and I do a lot of twirling like a ballerina.
It's so strange.
Sure, things have been going on but it's nothing spectacular that I feel this sudden need to write it all down. Not that I need something spectacular to happen in order for me to write, the urge just hasn't been there. I could sit and write about a piece of chewed up bubble gum that I saw on the sidewalk if I wanted to, but lately these days I just haven't been in the mood.
Not in the mood to write? You crazy lady!
So yeah, not a whole lot has been going on upstairs. That doesn't mean that I haven't taken notice to this sudden change in my way of thinking. I have. Well, until I get distracted by the leafy, green trees or the large hawks that play in the skies on windy days. Then I get side tracked again and lose my train of thought.
During the moments when I am actually focused on one subject I’ve come to the conclusion that I might have reached a level in my life that I haven’t had in a while. This is what I like to call being “content.” You’re not overly happy or absolutely depressed to the point you’re not sure if you even want to see the sun rise the next day. You’re just…content.
It’s a damn good feeling.
These days I’m just taking things easy, going with the flow, rolling with the punches if you will. I have accepted many, many things simply because I had to. I knew that if I had continued in the state that I was in a couple of months ago I’d end up in the local hospital for going absolutely mad. I suppose it was also a combination of being moved upstairs and not being so stressed out at work about Le Bitch and what her next problem with me was going to be. Being upstairs is not only easier on me and my feet, but I feel like I can get a lot more things done during the day and I’m a lot more efficient.
Life is just so much more laid back and I don’t have the same worries that I had a couple of weeks ago. If I had to take a guess, I’d say that this would be me stopping to smell the roses and enjoying everything around me for a change instead of freaking out over every little thing.
Now if you think that sounds scary, I must also tell you that I’m in such a content state that I’m not even concerned about any icebergs that may be ahead of me. Yep. Normally when I hit these kinds of moments I become all paranoid and convince myself that something bad was getting ready to happen. Something was wrong and why am I letting my guard down? Everyone knows the second you let your guard down that’s when all of the madness begins. I should be keeping my eyes peeled for bright neon signs that say “WARNING: DRAMATIC LIFE ALTERING ICEBERG AHEAD!”
But I’m not and that’s also a damn good feeling. I’ve been through enough shit to know that if something bad does happen while I’m in my content state, I’ll make it through to the other side and with enough given time things do work out. Until then I'm just going to continue driving with my windows rolled down, my music turned up loud and a sickly big smile sprawled across my face for no apparent reason. These moments don't come along often so I might as well enjoy it to the fullest for as long as I can.