My Mumbling Thoughts

It's monsoon season here in Northern VA, which kind of put a damper on our concert day. No pun intended. Mel and I took yesterday off so we could trekk it into downtown DC to watch We Are Scientists do what they do so beautifully.

We met up with Mendy around 5:30 at her house and made our way over to Applebee's where we sat next to a couple who couldn't keep their hands off of each other that we're more than positive that Mel is pregnant simply through osmosis. It was good to be out but at the same time the three of us were kind of just sluggish. With all of the rain and long hours at work that we've all been putting in it would have been nice to just curl up under the covers and watch Footballers Wives. Mendy was certainly a trooper since she didn't know any of the bands and was being a brave driver after she had gotten into an accident while in the rain.

It didn't take us that long to find the Black Cat and parking didn't suck so much that we wanted to scream. It was one nice, swift, fluid motion we all made to get to the front door. I gathered our tickets, we hit the loo's and then weaved our way through the bodies to find the end of the line where we waited for the doors to open up.

Eventually people began to move forward and we were ushered upstairs where we made ourselves comfortable on the right hand of the stage. If it wasn't for these three prepubescent twits we could have sat on the edge of the stage and gave our legs a rest but they probably didn't stop by the bathrooms first and got a closer spot in line. For some reason it felt like we had been standing for an eternity and by the end of the night I would have completely lost all ability to walk.

While we waited for the show to start, Mendy and I pointed out that we were officially old and didn't understand young kids these days. The outfits they wear, the lingo they come up with and my god! the things they do. It was in this moment when I noticed a young girl (I'm guessing she had to be twelve) standing off to the left side of me was wearing braces and had zero body fat. The first thing that came to mind was, "where are your parents?" and "isn't it past her bedtime?" I kissed my youth goodbye and made a mental note to buy some baggy floral dresses the next time I went shopping.

Au Revoir Simone were the first to grace the stage. The three tall Canadians with long brown hair and bangs that kept sweeping across their eyes were keyboard rocking queens. Sure it was kind of out there, and okay maybe it made me feel like I should be running in a meadow with a daisy crown on top of my head, but I dug 'em. They were different, unique and the lyrics sounded awesome. It was nice to be able to actually understand what they were saying. They also apparently had a rough time trying to wade in through all of the rivers that were created through our poor drainage system, so major kudos for them hiking up their rain boots and performing for us.

The Double set up after Au Revoir Simone ended with extra bouncing and hair flipping (there are only so many moves one can do while rocking out on a keyboard). The band set up their own equipment and I spotted the yummy keyboardist who had hair with a mind of it's own and smoked while he made sure that his keyboards played the right sounds for him. That's always been hot to me; watching a musician set up his instrument while smoking...grrr baby.

Anyway, after I got over ogling the cute keyboardist, I got down to business and jammed out while they performed. It was awesome even though the lead singer was kind of muffled and I didn't have a fucking clue as to what he was saying. I couldn't even take a guess it was that slurred. But(!) it did sound really good. He reminded me of Morrissey, that is if Morrissey had a second cousin who lived in New York. Still, they were brilliant and Mendy liked them so much that she bought one of their CDs. I'd recommend them too. They'd be good to curl up and snuggle with at night like a fuzzy bear.

Finally after The Double were finished cranking out their music for us, I squeezed my way up to the front of the stage, hopped up to give my legs a rest and then shared a fag with Mendy. Man, that was nice. It didn't take the people that long to set up for We Are Scientists and I was really excited once they made it on stage. Keith appeared to be slightly tipsy but that was a-okay. He rocked out and proved that he should be the world's number 1 vegan in the world, not the third. Chris was a great commentator for us all and Michael hung out in the back on drums and made Mendy swoon in the knees. They sounded amazing and even did some funny jokes during the song breaks. Some random chick came up on stage during one of the songs and was a major distraction in a very negative way. Thankfully she was removed.

Once all was said and done they peaced out and we headed to the Merch table where Au Revoir and The Double were selling t-shirts, CDs and other band things. I told one guitarist of The Double that I thought they were brilliant and asked if the t-shirt I was going to buy would shrink in the dryer. He said it would and recommended that I got a size small instead of extra small. I thought that was very thoughtful.

We found the car, drove Mendy back home while rocking out to People In Planes and then drove ourselves back home with the indecisive rain that was on and off (and very annoying).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, would be the end of our concert experience.

It was really fun and I preferred being in a more intimate setting like the Black Cat. It's a nice place to go watch all of the "unknowns" and things are so chill. I have a sneaky feeling though that We Are Scientists are going to blow up soon and then I'll have lost another one to the masses. Sure I love it whenever a band I know and love gets more recognition, but at the same time it's kind of like I lose a best friend who was so close to me. Let's face it people, I'm a jealous bitch who loves to keep everything dear and precious to me attached to my hip. That's just the way I am. After a while though, I adjust and so long as they don't become sell outs who only sing to the groupies who somehow manage to get up on stage and dance like a five-year-old kindergartner who seriously need support on the upper hemisphere of their body, then I'm okay. It's all about spreading love and joy of music.

Posted by Sam at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I spent my Saturday doing two things; the first half was me laying about the house being miserable because our air conditioner broke AGAIN. I tossed and turned with all of the windows open, the fans blasting on high and cursing the humidity. The second part of my day was laying about in our house after the air conditioner was fixed by a strange man whose name I can't remember only because my brain had already melted and seeped out of my ears onto our wooden floors.

It was a day where I had a lot of time on my hands and the first time in a long time where I simply didn't do anything. I didn't feel like moving because any kind of movement just made me uncomfortable. I did a fair amount of watching bad television and eating ice cubes.

Although whenever I took a break from being lazy I thought about the next couple of weeks and really all of the work that I had piling up to the ceilings. I thought that the past few months were busy but now that I've guarenteed my money and will officially be moving I feel like I shouldn't be lazing about on my weekends.

Or should I?

**

When I really get down and think about it, all of the packing, the planning, the cleaning, the organizing, the squeezing of luggage and deciding which items are a must to bring along with me, it all seems pretty daunting. The surprising thing is that I'm nowhere near as frazzled or freaked out as I thought I would be. The entire time that I was researching about getting into school, I was also mentally preparing myself for the days ahead if it all somehow magically worked out. Now that it has, I know exactly what I'm going to do, what I'm going to clean, what is a must to bring with me and the hundreds of other little tasks I must do before I leave.

Since I know that it won't be long until I'm crazy/busy up to my eyeballs, I figure it's only necessary for me to take some time off and dare I say it...relax. I need to take some time to enjoy my big accomplishment, celebrate with friends and chill the fuck out.

So I've been doing just that. The other day, Lora and I went and got a pedicure and took a trip to the mall where I bought a couple of items from one of my favorite stores: American Eagle. Lora is, by the way, "Lauren" on here. I finally gave her the link to my blog and now that she knows about it, it feels way too weird to keep referring to her as "Lauren". So let's all say hi to one of my best girl friends. HI LORA!

I have to say that it was refreshing and really good girl therapy that requires zero excuses and never makes me feel guilty.

Aside from afternoons out with one of my favorite gal pals, I've been taking pleasure in just being alone and doing lots and lots of thinking. It may sound stupid, but all of a sudden I've been noticing a lot of tiny things that I already miss and it hasn't even been a complete week since I learned about my loan. I'm going to miss my coworkers and all of their quirky personalities, the food, obviously, hanging out at home with Momma and Mel, driving my car, hanging out with my friends, my entire daily routine, and hell, I'm even going to miss sitting in traffic just a little bit. I don't want to rush anything but at the same time it almost feels like I should start saying my good-bye's now just so they aren't so heart breakingly devastating for me when that final day does arrive.

**

After my day ended and my family tucked themselves in bed upstairs, I decided to stand in our garage and smoke while I watched one of the many summer thunderstorms that I'm used to. I remembered when I was small staying with our grandma in North Carolina and walking around barefoot in her backyard whenever we had a downpour. It was one of my favorite things to do and something I haven't done in years. I thought about walking around outside to properly enjoy the weather but decided against it. I'd be doing plenty of walking in the rain in London, although it may not be as nice as this night. Probably more cold and annoying but still, it was nice to just listen and remember.

Then I thought about how long its been since I was that little girl twirling in the rain. I still carry her around with me inside along with her fears, insecurities and worries. Now though, the more grown-up, experienced young adult that I am now assures her that things will be okay. It took a long time for me to grow to this point but now that I'm here it feels right.

Posted by Sam at 08:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

To say that I've been partying like a woman who has just been freed from prison would sadly be a lie. I wish I could say that as soon as I learned that I had money (money, baby!) to go to school I jumped for joy and spent the rest of my day drinking like fish. Instead I took about a minute to gather myself together and then continued on with the rest of my day like any other normal working day.

I made it into work and the minute I opened my mailbox I discovered that I had to do three other jobs that were so far back logged it would be impossible for me to finish it all in one day.

There was no jumping. No joy. None whatsoever.

Instead there was just me walking around pissed off and cursing everyone who are bigger procrastinators than me which left me to go back behind them and clean their mess up.

It wasn't until the end of day when I went downstairs for my eleventh smoke break when it really did hit me that in a matter of weeks I would be packing up most of my things and then proceed to get onto an airplane to fly over to London to study and learn about what I love doing the most. What more could a girl want? Well, another cigarette, that's for sure. So I stayed downstairs and smoked another fag while I listened to the airplanes across the street. They seemed a lot louder for some reason.

Slowly I've been breaking the news to fellow coworkers that it's official. Every single time I tell somebody it becomes just that more real to me. I say things now like, "when I'm over there" and "when I leave." I don't have to include the "maybe's" or the "I'm not sure's."

I've already told SuperAdmin that I'll be leaving and soon I'll be talking to security about putting my clearance on the shelf so I can come back during my vacations and work. Other than that there hasn't been much action. I guess there's really no point at the moment. For now we're just talking and I'm still working.

Working. Always working.

For the past month or so I've been putting in a lot of overtime and working the weekends. Not just because I'm a freak but because I'm trying to get a little more money in my own pocket. What I've learned is that working a lot of hours is hard work and that saving the money that you do earn is even harder. You would think that since I spend most of my life here at the office that I wouldn't have time to spend money, but that does not appear to be the case. I seem to be eating my money (still, yes I know) and the bills never really go away. Tiny emergencies pop up and I've got to put more money out in the world instead of in my savings account. It's annoying, but I can say that a little more is being saved up and I'm doing better with my random spending.

I'm going to celebrate properly though. Exactly when this is going to occur, I'm not sure, but it will happen. I'm also not entirely sure when I made the transition from being a slacker to Full On Corporate Worker, but I'm kind of scared to admit that maybe it has happened. I get caught up in the daily work drama, complain about our processes and find myself walking only to forget where I was going in the first place. I guess sometimes it's nice because the day flies by and I feel like I've actually accomplished something when the workday is over, but on the other hand sometimes I just want to sit and write about my mornings and how much traffic sucked.

For now I'll just be happy with knowing that all of my hard work, researching, learning, waiting, frustrations, filling out forms, blood, sweat, tears, patience and waiting some more has all paid off. Learning that I was actually accepted to a university was a great surprise and finding out that I had a place to stay was an even bigger surprise; but being able to pay for it all and not feel like I've spent the last two (well, almost two) years of my life hoping for nothing is quite possibly one of the greatest feelings in the world.

Posted by Sam at 01:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

In the wee hours of the morning (4:29am) one opens their email box to discover that they have been approved for their loan and that they'll be able to go to college overseas.

The weight has been lifted off of my chest. I can breathe. Now let's all celebrate.

Posted by Sam at 05:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Random quotes that I've heard or said myself that were really funny...at least to me.

- "Yeah, it's just like having a bicycle with a canoe strapped on top." - Ms. Cathi

- "I don't care if I have a homeless guy living in the back seat of my car. I just wish that he would lock the doors when he leaves. I leave all of my CDs in there!" - Me

- "I can see your bra." - Lisa

- "I want to see you all out on the dance floor, because tonight is my night and You. Are. Sexy." - Random gay guy in the bathroom at Nations.

- "I can't wait until tonight is over with. Really. I've got some lifesavers in my pocket and the next flavor is pineapple." - Emily

- "You want some of this?!" - Mel

- "Sometimes I just want to set myself on fire. Seriously." - Me

- "I don't want to cause some old guy to pop a tent." - Lauren

- "You know that you're going crazy from sitting in traffic too long when you come up with a new game show called Name! That! Roadkill!" - Me

- "Nick totally called them wankers." - Mel

- "They probably think that you look like one of their ex-girlfriends." - Brian

- "Remind me again why I still feed you?" - Momma

Posted by Sam at 08:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Okay, so yes I've been a neglecting blogger recently but that's only so I could go out this weekend and have a fabulous time and then record my good times up here.

Really.

Anyway, I did have a good time this weekend. It came complete with a new haircut, celebrating Mendy's birthday and dancing with the gays at Nation, smoking hookah, eating a Five Guys hamburger, hanging out with Lauren, lounging by the pool for hours while sipping on Arbor Mist, and then finally crashing at home for twelve glorious hours. Yeah, we had fun. Sure, I'm a tiny bit sore from dancing for four hours straight, but it was definitely worth it.

Saturday started out with me getting my hair cut and colored. I was excited because I'd be able to take my new, fresh salon hair out on the town and I've never been able to do that. Normally I get my hair done and then I go home to sleep so being able to properly show off my new 'do was a good thing.

After my hair was styled and looking fabulous, I drove home, gathered up a couple of things for Mendy's house and then cruised on over to her house where we ate Subway for dinner and chilled while her and Lisa finished getting ready to go out. That's always one of my favorite things about going out with friends; getting ready beforehand. It's just girls being girls, doing their make-up and hair, changing clothes every five minutes and talking shit about nothing. Good times.

Once everyone was ready and smelling good, we drove to Brian's house, picked him up and then drove into DC. The line to get in wasn't horrible and within a couple of minutes we were all inside among so many different characters it'd be impossible to name them all. The bathrooms, I soon learned, was the place to be. Most of the drama went on in there and that's where you could talk to others without trying to shout over the music. I also loved the fact that nobody really cared whether they were in the men's bathroom or the women's bathroom. The only thing that mattered was if there was a free stall. The stall I picked, however, didn't have any toilet paper and if Mendy hadn't been in the stall next to me to share, I would have had to do the unthinkable and drip dry which I'm sure every woman fears.

So the night at Nations by numbers would be as followed...

5 drinks that were spilled down my back
10 minutes it took to get a water and red bull from the bar
1 giant disco ball
2 times a gay cowboy got the shit smacked out of him
60 times I tried peeling my feet off of the floor
2 drag queens that I saw
3 million half naked, sweaty gay men that Mendy and I danced with for about an hour until it got so depressing we had to force ourselves off of the dance floor

Such a good time. I must do it again.

After we were all danced out, we made a pit stop at McDonald's (holy crap I was starving), dropped Lisa and Brian off at home, and then Mendy and I drove on over to Oasis where we smoked hookah and I tried my best to not fall asleep. I came to the conclusion that I am officially old and I need to whip my ass back into shape if I'm going to be going to college soon. My fellow freshman class will laugh me out of the country if I punk out around 3am again. It is shameful. I can say though that we didn't get home until about 5am (aw, I saw the sun start to rise) and woke up exactly at 8:38am. That's only three and a half hours and I was back up and functioning! Go me!

Once I left Mendy's house, I grabbed a bagel at my favorite bagel place ever, drove home, showered, drove over to Lauren's hotel and then had a Five Guys hamburger (holy crap I was starving again) while we exchanged our Saturday night stories. She had also gone into downtown DC with one of our co-workers and his friend. We were both recovering and instead of going to the movies (where I was sure I was going to fall asleep), we went back to her hotel where we hung out next to the pool and drank our Arbor Mist from plastic Solo cups.

Ah, yes we were relaxing (not sitting) on top of the world.

It was nice just laying about and having one of those really good conversations with one of your friends that would never be the same if was planned or forced. It felt like we had talked about every single subject on the planet and walked away with a better understanding of life. Yeah, one of those conversations.

Eventually our day had to come to a close and I drove back home where I finally got to lay down, fall asleep, and then wake up the next morning feeling refreshed...and two hours late. Nobody cares about that though.

Posted by Sam at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

First I must give major rounds of applause to mipmup for creating this new and rocking design for me. Doesn't she just rule? Yeah, she does. It's so cute and girlie, but not so sickly sweet that it hurts your eyes. Oh no. Not my eyes. I simply can't stop staring at it. It's WAY better then that mundane template that Movable Type supplied me. There's only a couple more things that have to be done (i.e. the links bar, and bringing all of my old archives over) but otherwise this is my new home and I fucking love it. Even though I've already said it a gazillion times, thank you mipmup for my new space. It's exactly what I wanted.

**

I've been dying these past few days. So. Busy. At. Work. Need. Break.

But I don't get a break. No, I haven't even forced myself to take a break. Yesterday while I was getting my monthly pedicure I sat making/updating my To Do List that has been very active. I worked last Saturday and this past Sunday (on the day of rest!). When I'm at home I'm busy doing chores and getting things cleaned because I simply cannot work in a cluttered, non-cohesive environment.

All this time I've been thinking about blog posts. I have about five things swirling around upstairs that I keep on thinking about but just haven't had the time to write down and make them sound semi-intelligent. I just need one day. One complete day where I can stop thinking about work, stupid training manuals, stupid To Do Lists, and stupid chores. My brain can't handle the sleep deprivation (waking up at 4am people!) and being on the constant go. How do some people do this regularly? You have to remember that I'm part of the Lazy Club, and you can't just immediately recruit our kind over into the Busy Workaholic Club.

**

I'm slouched in my chair in front of my computer screen with Goldfrapp playing on my mini stereo. A vacuum cleaner is turned on and my nerves jump out of my skin. Does Iona have to clean so fucking early in the goddamned morning? Well, I suppose she does. It is her job and I love Iona. There's no need to snap at her. Perhaps I should just take a small break downstairs in my car? I can park in one of the far away spaces underneath a tree and take a short nap. That could help.

Instead I let out another big yawn, get up and look down to see what's next on my list of things to do. The sooner I'm finished with all of this bullshit the sooner I can leave. I'll sleep, wake up feeling refreshed, take up an ink pen and begin to write, because oh how I miss you so.

Posted by Sam at 08:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)