My Mumbling Thoughts

"Okay, Emily. I think we know each other well enough to where I can be perfectly blunt with you."

We were sitting at our regular table at Longhorn, enjoying our last lunch together for a while.

"Should I be frightened?" she took a sip from her Diet Coke.

"I should hope not. So. Tell me, dear. Are you and Brett planning on getting married?"

"What?! No! Goodness no."

A wave of relief rinsed over me.

"Thank you, lord."

**

These days, whenever I turn around, it seems like I'm bumping into a new bride-to-be. They're everywhere! And if it's not a newly engaged woman, it's another woman who is unhappy in her marriage, or is in the middle of a long and drawn out divorce. I'm not sure if it's all the heat that has been getting to everyone's heads, but lately marriage, or the break downs of marriages, have been a hot topic for me for the past couple of weeks.

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of marriage. I don't think that there's anything wrong with it, and perhaps in a perfect world it would be ideal for everyone to be married, but as we all know, nothing is perfect and sometimes, shit happens.

I was taught at a very young age that marriage is one of the holiest unions between two people. When you get married, you get married for life and that’s it. There will be no divorce. Ever. The person that you say those vows to is the person that you’re going to be living with until you die, so you better make damn sure that you really love them and mean every single word that comes out of your mouth with every fiber of your being. If you have any doubts whatsoever, you might want to reconsider who it is that’s standing next to you at the alter.

What people never really took into consideration when teaching me all of this is, people change. It’s plain and simple. I know for a fact that I’m still not the same person I was five years ago. I also know that I’ve still got TONS of changing to do in the future. People grow, things change, life moves forward. It’s just how things are.

Momma divorced our dad, and after that we were taught that it’s okay to live with someone and not be married. You can still have a healthy, caring, normal and loving relationship without taking that trip down the aisle dressed all in white. Why tie yourself down when you aren’t guaranteed a happily ever after?

Now that I'm older, I've formed my own views on marriage, and my take on it is any man who can wrestle me down to the alter deserves a medal. It's not going to be an easy trip, that's for sure.

When I look at today's statistics and the average divorce rate, I wonder why people decide to jump so quickly at tying the knot. Whatever happened to romance? What about simply enjoying someone's company? What about smelling the roses and savoring life? These days marriage seems to be so commercial, what with all of the reality TV shows that are cashing in on holy matrimony. It seems like something for people to do on a weekend when they're bored and have nothing else better to do.

"Mmm...I'm bored. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"Wanna get married?"

"Sure!"

Call me old fashioned, but if I ever do make that walk down the aisle, I'm going to be 100% sure that I want to be with that person forever. And it won't be an easy cake walk. Marriage a very serious thing to me and I won't get married to just anyone, you know? I know how shitty (and pricey) divorces can be. I never want to go through that.

I like to look at it as an obstacle course, with me as the prize at the end. Every guy that I've been with has been a contestant and I'm constantly throwing one obstacle after another at him. If he passes all of the tests then he wins. Well, we both win. I like to think that I'm doing each of us a huge favor too. I know for a fact that I'm not one of the easiest people to get along with, let alone live with around the clock. I want to make sure that he's not only kind hearted and romantic, but that he'll also be able to stand me when I get into one of My Moods. Sometimes it can seem like I've got multiple personalities and he'll have to understand that I'm not always psychotic. It's just a phase.

It's not only my concerns about actually living with another person for the rest of my life and, MY GOD, will he still think the same of me when he first sees me without my make-up? I want to be sure, inside and out that we'll be able to withstand the test of time. We'll both be equals who walks together and can make any needed adjustments whenever there are growing pains. I know eventually I can handle the fact that there will be a time when I'll have to break down and show that yes, even I clip my toenails, but for the most part, I don't want there to be any question marks floating around when it comes to the person that I'll be sharing my life with. I think that gives me a damn good reason to be as picky as I need to be.

**

"Twenty-five is the earliest I'll even consider marriage," Emily told me after we had paid for our food.

"That seems like a reasonable age. I'm not sure if I have a specific number. If it happens, it happens. I'm leaving my options open."

"There are just so many things that I want to do before I settle down in a house to raise kids."

"Exactly. We're young women who are just now beginning our lives. Why deal with all of the additional stress of marriage? We should be having fun first."

"Here's to not being married," she raised her glass.

"To not being married."

We tapped our glasses and left to go back to work.