My Mumbling Thoughts

I'm not a big fan of surprises, no matter what kind they are, good or bad. I like knowing way ahead in advance that way I can mentally prepare myself for whatever is around the bend. Being caught off guard shakes up my tiny little world and then I have to take the necessary amount of time off in order to bounce back from whatever it is that has just occured that I haven't thought of which is forcing me to change my plans, whether they be Life Plans or plans for lunch. I know there's no way for me to know EVERYTHING that will happen my entire life, but if I can be warned, even a little, then I feel better.

So when I found out this past Friday that Ms. Cathi was resigning and that next Thursday would be her last day at work, I was surprised. Shocked. Caught off guard.

I cried for two hours. Momma cried for three hours, AT THE OFFICE.

I know, a strange thing to do whenever an employee says that they want to leave, but if you knew Cathi, then you'd know that she's not your ordinary employee. She is, indeed, so much more.

Me: "But she can't leave! Why is she going? Who's going to help you with all of your work? Who's going to hang out in your office with you? Who's going to make sure that you eat lunch? Y'all had a really good thing going on. Why does she have to leave now? Can't she wait a little longer?

Momma: "Samantha, calm down. Everything is going to be fine. We'll make it without Cathi, trust me. I'm a big girl, I've been doing this for years. It'll just take some time to adjust. Don't worry."

Me: "But I don't want her to leave."

Even though it's extremely self-centered of me (remember, I'm an attention whore who complains whenever I'm the center of attention), I knew at the time that my tears weren't entirely for Cathi alone. Sure, I'm going to miss her, and I don't want her to go, but it's partially because of some other stuff which just so happened to be entwined with a whole bag of other stuff that tipped over slightly when I got the news about Cathi leaving us. Right, that makes plenty of sense.

Ever since I've been working with Momma I've sort of made myself her unofficial personal assistant. I make sure that she eats lunch every day, schedule her meetings, take care of the other team members who have unrelated Asset Questions, and do other small random tasks that she needs finished. To me, it's my small way of helping her out and relieving some of the unnecessary worries that she has to always deal with. Kind of like a, "thanks, Mom."

When Cathi came on board, she slid into her role effortlessly. She quickly caught on to everything that has been going on for the past three years and she also got us. She understood our wacky humor and clicked immediately with Momma. It didn't even seem like she was a coworker. She was family, plain and simple. I had never in all my life seen somebody work so well with Momma, and trust me when I say that it's a huge thing because Momma isn't one of the easiest people to get along with. She's very particular about her work and if you don't agree with her then essentially, you're wrong. They could make each other laugh, finished each other's sentences and were 100% completely on the same page.

With me leaving, I felt a lot better knowing that not only would Cathi be able to help Momma out with Work Stuff, but she would also make sure that she eats every day and could at least be a friend to talk to whenever she's having a rough day or needed to vent and vice versa. They were office buddies, war comrades and battled together while collecting matching scars.

After I heard that Cathi would be taking a new job that is two miles away from her house, get a 7% pay raise and doing things that she has been doing for over twenty years, I knew there was no way we could talk her into staying. It sounded like a perfect opportunity and she'd be stupid not take the job. She was really leaving, I needed to accept that. I knew we'd be keeping in touch and that Cathi wasn't leaving beacuse she hated us.

I also needed to accept that Momma is a full grown adult and she can take care of herself. She'll remember to eat when she's hungry and I can teach her about all of the different calendars so she can schedule her meetings. Just because I was leaving for school didn't mean that the world was going to stop and that everyone would fall into a great depression because I'm no longer around to spread the office cheer. The sun will still rise and time will continue to move forward. I just won't be here anymore.

Amy will be taking over Cathi's role and learning everything that she has been doing for the past couple of months. She'll move into Momma's office and sit in Cathi's desk. She'll take on all of the new responsibilities and also gain a bit of a pay raise, so it's good for Amy. I like Amy. I also know that she's a fast learner and will do a fantastic job working with Momma. It may take her a while to catch on to all of the different things that Cathi was doing (because, lord, there is so much), but it'll be fine. She already told me that she's more than happy to take care of Momma after I leave.

Me on the other hand, I've got to get my head out of my ass and stop being so dramatic about things. I'm leaving to go to college, not dying because I have cancer. I've been acting like I'm never returning when obviously I know that's not the case. If I would quit being so damned sad about every little thing, maybe I would actually have a good time and enjoy my last couple of weeks here instead of sulking because I won't have a Five Guys hamburger for a couple of months. If I'm not mistaken, I was the one who wanted to do all of this and I'm the one who has been working for two years to get where I am now. You would think that I'd be a little more thrilled about the circumstances instead of having little meltdowns every so often over the tiniest things.

Sometimes I'm so ass backwards that even I don't understand my ways.