My Mumbling Thoughts

It'll happen when you're out by yourself. You'll be walking around with your iPod blasting music into your ears, sitting on the tube while watching the blurry scenery or while you're sitting outside alone smoking a fag in your jammies late at night. You'll pause, look around and it'll feel like somebody has taken their fingertips and brushed them lightly up against your back.

You live in London.

You would think that the words would start to lose their luster after some time and that it would become the norm, but they still make your insides tingle and you smile a little smile to yourself.

It's fast, quiet little moments like that that still catch me off guard.

I haven't had that many days when I've been completely alone. It didn't take me long to learn that there's always something to do on any day of the week. The rest of the students seem to be like me in that they don't like being alone for long periods of time, whether because of sheer boredom or in my case, the fear of too many thoughts filling my brain up too fast and eventually causing my head to explode.

I've found a group of people who allow me to hang out with them and find me amusing when I'm both drunk and sober. We all have bonded rather quickly (it's amazing what kind of ice breaker alcohol can be) and have molded into one of the more dysfunctional families on campus. I like it and it's comforting to know that I have people I live with who I can talk to if ever I need a distraction from every day life.

But the city. It is the city that knows me inside and out. I've wrapped my arms and legs around all of London and I'm clinging on so tightly that I'm afraid I might lose my breath, begin to slip and slide all the way to the bottom. I'm beginning to learn my way around and feel a lot more comfortable going out and seeing what else is out there that I have yet to discover. There's always somebody new to see, new to talk to, new to learn about. I never get tired of walking and craning my head around to stare at every minute detail. At the same time though, I can just as easily walk straight forward and keep my eyes in front of me and not to talk to one soul, which is apparently the "London Way", and I do like to fit in with the locals.

I'm picking up the lingo, but not the accent. I'm sure everybody finds it amusing to hear me say some things in my funky (currently croaky because of my annoying cold) southern American accent. I regularly tell bus drivers "cheers" when they print off my ticket as I board the bus and shout "oy!" if somebody annoys me or I'm trying to get someone's attention. I know what a "chav" is and learned that most of them live in "council estates". You don't ever want to be around a "happy slapper", boys go for a "slash" when drinking too much and that the "gaff" I live in is quite posh.

In return, I've been sharing my own Americanisms with the locals around here. The girls have really nice taste in "pocketbooks", when we go out drinking they must "chug it like a frat boy" and that the bathrooms (also known as "bogs", "toilets" and "loos") are usually "hot as a bear". And of course I've been trying to get them all to start saying "y'all" because it is the best word in the entire world.

I've also learned though that while I am surrounded by millions of people there are times when I need to be alone even if I don't want to. It's way too easy to pick up the phone and call somebody just because. There's no reason to phone them other than to say, "hey, I'm bored. You want to come around and hang out?" There are times when I'll hear voices in the kitchen and must force myself to stay in my room and not engage in any kind of human contact whatsoever. Everybody has to sleep sometime. So when I find myself still awake at two o'clock in the morning listening to my music, instead of ringing someone up to keep myself going and to keep the moment going, I know that I need to turn off all the lights and let the city tuck me in, kiss me on the forehead and wish me sweet dreams. I'll still be here tomorrow, but at the moment all that is required of me is to shut my eyes and fall asleep on London's shoulder.