"Why do I keep counting?"
I just woke up from the Mother Of All Sleeps. Fourteen hours I laid still in my bed and worried about nothing other than sleep, sleep and more sleep. It was great and completely necessary.
For the past couple of weeks I've been getting by on four or five hours of sleep. If I'm lucky I'll get a full eight hours here and there, but there just hasn't been a steady pattern of any kind for my poor body who everyday yells at me continuously for being so abusive. I have cut down on going out and I'm nowhere near as sad and far in a funk as I was before. I'm actually being productive and taking the proper steps to get my things sorted. It is a good feeling.
Last week I updated my CV (resume) and headed into Putney to find a job. I filled out a couple of applications and dropped my CV off in some shops that I wouldn't mind working in. Putney is the most ideal place to get a job since it's only ten minutes up the road by bus, and I'd prefer not going so far out to work. If it was up to me I'd work at HMV but I also left an application in The Body Shop and of course Boots, and some other stores that wouldn't suck if I worked there. So far I haven't heard anything but I'm hopeful and there's still Barnes and Hammersmith that I haven't scouted yet. I plan on going next week since it's the Creative Writing Reading Week. Apparently that's supposed to be time for us to be creative, write, read and hook up with our editing groups. I'm using it to open my bank account and continue to find a job. A lot of work should get accomplished as well, but mostly it'll be me kicking my job searching into high gear.
It was only a few days ago when I was downstairs with Zoe and Fiona smoking I realized that it was fall. The leaves have been changing all around me right before my eyes, the days are becoming colder and colder, and yet I've been absolutely oblivious to all of the signs that Mother Nature has been shoving in front of my face. I've been in denial, yet again, about the change in the seasons. I don't want it to get cold. Well, I do, because I love fall, but at the same time it's really sad. It makes me want to go back home and snuggle on the couch with Momma, drinking a cup of hot tea, talking about every subject under the sun for hours on end like we usually do around this time of year. I want to walk around in my flannel jammies and lay in bed with Mel while we watch our regular TV shows.
I became homesick. I still am. I just want to go back for a day. Okay, maybe a week. Maybe two. I just want to visit though. Then I'd want to come back here and finish what I started.
The really sad thing is that I'm not going back home for Christmas. Not at all. Instead I'll be staying here at university. No worries, I won't be completely alone. Mel is coming to visit me from the 16th of December until the 29th. Momma and I still aren't speaking and even though Mel says that she isn't mad at me anymore, things still aren't okay with us. Things were never sorted. Things are very much not okay.
Still, I'm excited about Mel coming to visit me. I can't wait to show her around university, introduce her to my flatmates, take her into central London, Hammersmith, Putney, Kingston and Barnes. There are so many places I need to take her and so many things I need to show her. We'll do all of the tourist things and I know she's excited about the shopping in London. I wish Momma was coming with her, but it won't happen since she'll still be taking her college classes and if she misses two, she fails. Instead Mel assured me that she'll come in March when she has to come to England anyway for some business stuff. How nice...
Even with the seasons changing and the strong feelings of homesickness, the girls have been keeping me occupied and happy so I'm not always in my room sulking, screaming out how much I want to eat American food and curl under my covers in my bedroom. We're already making plans for our Thanksgiving dinner, because goddammit just because we're in England doesn't mean we can't have a proper Thanksgiving meal. Trish and I will be getting everything prepared since we're the two yanks in our group, and everybody else will be doing the dishes even though they don't know it yet.
I've also been invited to go to Spain, Ireland and north Africa by Lauren and Zoe. Lauren and I have become quite close and she's always talking about how I need to go home with her. It's so cheap to travel around here as well. At least a lot cheaper than if I was flying all the way from America. So I do believe in the next couple of weeks I'll be writing about how nice the weather is in Spain. I've also told all of the girls that they're more than welcome to come back to America with me. I told them it wouldn't be anywhere near as fun as here, but they still want to visit. Lauren is excited about going to North Carolina where I promised her she could find a real cowboy. Of course her chances of finding one are a lot greater if we went to Texas, so Carlene said she could visit her home in Texas if things don't work out in North Carolina.
Everything just keeps flying by me at record high speed. I keep looking around but there isn't anything for me to grab a hold of just so I can breathe for a moment, and wrap my brain around everything that is going on. I still half expect to wake up one morning and find myself back in Virginia with everyone wondering why I'm so late for work and thinking that that was the wildest dream I've ever had. But every morning (or afternoon, depending on my night beforehand), I wake up and I'm still here.