My Mumbling Thoughts

Everybody has left to go home and the only two people left in the flat are Mel and myself. Mel's an early bird so she goes to bed before the sun sets and since my body clock is still set on "party mode" I normally don't fall asleep until half three in the morning. It's a strange schedule to be on.

Mel stays in Helen's room because Helen was kind enough to loan us her card key whilst Mel is staying here in London. She didn't like the idea of sleeping on the floor for three and a half weeks, nor did she want to share a tiny twin sized bed with me either, so this was the only thing I could think of short of her bringing an air mattress over with her.

Things are quiet at the moment. I just got finished folding three loads of laundry. There were six loads in total and I haven't done any laundry for about a month. That just goes to show how many clothes I own and how lazy I've become. I had to get down to my really skanky pairs of underwear before I even started to question where all of my favorite shirts were, or how come I was running low on socks. In celebration of this big laundry day, I've decided to let my Ben & Jerry's ice cream thaw out a little and eat it before I go to sleep. Happy Christmas Eve to me.

**

It was the second day that Mel was here when we had our first argument. I knew it wouldn't take long before we got irritated with each other and decided to have a massive row.

Mel: "It's not right, Sammi! We shouldn't be here by ourselves for Christmas. We should be back home. I don't like it here."

Me: "Oh really? You don't like it here? You haven't even given it a proper chance! All you've been doing is sitting in the corner with your arms crossed and a judgemental puss on your face. Why don't you try and make a little effort, huh? Why do we have to do the same shit every single goddamned year? And for fuck's sake if you don't want to be here, then fucking pack your shit now and go back home. I don't need this shit!"

Mel: "How come you didn't want to come home? Why can't we be at home?"

I didn't know why I didn't want to go home. Part of me always wants to be back home. I miss the familiarity of everything and feeling stable and secure. But the truth was, I didn't want to leave London even more. As much as I miss my family, the roads I used to drive, and lord, all of the food, I would have missed London way too much. I'm not ready to leave it just yet, even if it would be for a month and a half and I'd know that I was coming back, I didn't want to leave. I was even a little scared that Momma wouldn't let me come back. She was always saying how she didn't like me being over here and how she thinks that I'm screwing it all up. Being in the flat alone and spending Christmas with the city was a lot more appealing than going back home where I knew everything would quickly go back to how they were before I left and I'd feel stranded all over again.

After we had our fall out, we quickly patched things up and moved on like normal. That's just how our relationship is and it was kind of nice to have an argument with Mel face to face. We hadn't had one in ages so it really was like I was back home anyway. She made a little more effort to get to know everyone and include herself, and I scaled back on my drinking so I wasn't an absolute pisshead every single night. It was a nice compromise.

Its been about a week and a half since shes been here and I must say that it has been really nice. I was so excited to take her everywhere I go and everywhere I've been. I've introduced her to practically everyone I've ever come in contact with here and now it seems like she's just one of the girls who has been living in our flat all the time. We've been to loads of different shops, poked around in Central for a bit and basically just living the uni life that I've been living since I arrived.

It was sad once everyone started leaving for back home though. Trish was first to go back to the states. Helen was the first to leave out of our flat, then Lauren, Cat, Alex and Fiona. Santos followed close behind with Zoe and Carlene being the last of the lot. I never like it when people leave. It's really sad to think of everybody separated and not under the same roof. It's also really strange to think about the fact that we've only been living together for about four months now and how quickly all of these people have turned into family. The holidays seem like a preview for when our first year ends and everyone breaks up for the summer months. We'll all be moving out of halls to go back home and then what? What happens after that? I can't even begin to think about not seeing everyone for more than a couple of weeks. I can't stand being away from them so much that Mel and I are visiting some of my flatmates after Christmas and hanging out with them at their houses for no other reason than just to see them and not be apart anymore.

In some ways though, I'm glad to be getting a break from everyone as well. We've all been joined at the hips for so long that it was becoming too exhausting for me to keep up. It's good to have some space, clear the mind and let the body properly recover from all of the abuse I've been putting it through. It's really nice to chill out with Mel in front of the television, watching a dvd just like we would back at home. It's also really nice to do some chores for a change and get all of my washing done.

We don't have any plans for New Years, but I'm sure we'll go out and do something. I talk to Momma these days as if we had never had our fall out and I'm glad that I'm able to talk to her again. Life simply isn't the same without her advice and pep talks. She keeps me updated with all of the drama at work and it's funny to hear about people back home that I used to work with, still up to their same games. Things will never change it seems, yet every day something new happens.

2006 is quickly coming to an end, and can I just say, thank you lord. It has been a whirlwind for sure and I can't wait to kick off 2007. I have my new year's resolutions (which I'm keeping to myself, thank you very much), I've got a plan in the works to pull my shit together and I feel confident enough that I'll actually do something positive for a change instead of fucking things up to the nth degree. This break is just what I need to get ready to tackle a brand new year.