"I'm waiting for Wednesday" Part Deux
She's going. No, she's staying. Wait a minute, she's going. But not really, she's staying.
Left and right, back and forth. I've been jerked every which way when it comes to this Easter holiday, and I'm scared to say that I might actually be going home. I won't say that it's official just yet because the actual plane ticket hasn't been bought and I'm still standing outside with a sign that says, "please take me home!"
The plan way, way back in the day was that I was going to be coming home during Easter and then come back to London to finish up my studies. As we all now know, my original plan eventually went to shit and everything else seemed to spiral down with it. Then once I didn't go home for Christmas I realized just how badly I probably should have gone home since the homesickness decided to eat away at my body and turn me into a slug that didn't do anything except slouch around the flat, watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer on dvd and smoke for about a month and a half. It really wasn't a pretty sight. I was really looking forward to our Easter vacation since I thought I would be going back home until that idea was quickly shot down by Momma who was still sore over the fact that I didn't come home over the Christmas break and was punishing me for being an irresponsible twat, yet again. I then found out that Momma, Mel and Amy would be making a business trip over here instead over the Easter break and I would just chill with them the entire time. That is until Momma found out how expensive it would be to bring Mel over here with her and decided that the cheapest thing to do would be to send me back home for two and a half weeks.
Whew! That is where we stand thus far. If everything goes according to plan, this coming Wednesday I will be firmly sat in an airplane headed towards the United States once again to relax and forget about all of my uni worries for two and a half whole weeks.
Jesus am I really looking forward to that!
Seven and a half months I have been in London. Over seven whole months! I haven't left once. I haven't even gone to any other town or city in England. Just London. Only London. Sure, I've gone to Wimbledon, Hammersmith, Putney, Richmond, Kingston, Central and other different places, but they're all apart of L-O-N-D-O-N. I don't know how I've done it, survived here for so long, especially since I don't have any money and haven't had any in a very long time. At least not my own money.
Life has been taking a slow turn for the better though, I will say that. The past couple of months have been really hard, with me being depressed (hiding it), being poor (trying to hide it) and remaining homesick (also hiding it). I was in the worst rut that I've been in for a long time and it has been a battle trying to claw my way back up the massive hole that I fell down in.
I'm not sure if it was the weather changing into more sunny days or perhaps just an attitude change that clicked inside of me, but one day I finally decided that I was tired of being a lazy asshole and that I needed to do something about it. After I got my national insurance number (I get to pay British taxes now, yay!) I printed off loads of copies of my CV and just handed them out to different shops and pubs in the surrounding area. I got a call from two places and hopefully will have a steady job once I get back from good 'ole VA.
Oh Virginia, how I've missed my home. I've waken up a couple of times because I swear I can hear Momma and Mel outside my bedroom door in our hallway doing laundry and trying to come in my room quietly so they can check if I have any dirty clothes lying around. Sometimes I feel like I'm in my double bed and expect to wake up looking out at the other townhouses outside my window. I miss my home, I miss Momma and Mel, I miss my friends and oh my lord do I miss the food. After I land and we leave the airport I'm going to ask Momma to stop in by Five Guys so I can order two hamburgers and a large bag of their spicey chips.
That's right. I call fries, chips now. It's scary.
I've been really busy as well, and it doesn't include me being at the Belfry. Well, it sort of does, but I'm not drinking and causing a scene like usual. I've been helping Zoe campaign for Entertainments Officer for next year. I'm her campaign manager. It's cool. We go out, socialize a bit and talk to people and make sure that they're voting for my girl. I helped design her posters, flyers and her manifesto. I also helped DJ Dave with his posters and flyers as well. It has been good busy for a change and I remember what it was like to actually have stuff to do other than wake up, get dressed and go to the bar.
We've also sorted out who we're going to be living with next year and have called an estate agent to help us all find a place to live since we won't be on campus. I will be living with Helen, Carlene and Trish, which is exactly what I wanted. It's really weird to think about not living on campus next year. If I had to guess I'd say that 75% of my shit now resides in London and it's my home. I call this home. This is where I live, where I go, where all of my stuff is, where I feel most comfortable. Leaving never really entered my mind and to think about new people living here next year doesn't feel right.
I'm okay with moving somewhere else though. I'll have my closest friends with me and how awesome will it be to actually share a flat with three of my best friends? Our own place. Off campus. We'll have jobs, we'll be going to uni, we'll be living a proper London life, not the student one that has drained every last bit of energy from all of our bodies. It's going to rule.
I'm still taking things one day at a time though and making sure that I do at least one productive thing every day that doesn't include me taking a shower and putting make-up on. I work on my laundry if I have the money, do a bit of coursework or read a little out of a real book and not one of the magazines that tend to collect on our kitchen table.
I just keep on thinking about going home and trying, trying so hard not to get my hopes up, heaven forbid something goes wrong again and I'm told that I will be staying over the Easter break. I will breakdown and cry for three days straight if that happens. Zoe and Helen may potentially be flying over during the second week that I'm home and spending the easy going days with me in VA as well if all goes right. All three of us will pretend that there isn't any uni drama and come back refreshed to finish out the term. Busy days.
*Keeping my fingers crossed*