My Mumbling Thoughts

I stop at the stop light and leave my left arm dangling out over my window that's rolled down all the way. It's raining on and off in random spurts but I don't really mind since it's hot and muggy outside. The rain feels good. It feels familar. It feels like home.

I'm back sitting in traffic like how I used to do. I know it's probably nice and sweet for me at the moment to be back in traffic after work, but I also know that the nostalgia will soon wear off and pretty soon I'll be back to bitching about wasting gas in the summer heat. I realize that no matter how many new roads are paved or extra lanes are added on, some things like northern Virginia traffic will never change.

I pull into the garage and go inside where the cool air conditioning is a refreshing feeling against my face. My clothes are all gross and stuck to me from the humidity and sweat. I decide to have a bath and relax after a long day at work.

Oh, work. The joys of being back at work. They are limiting indeed.

**

I suppose the bright side would be even though I'm doing a completely new job, I'm still in the exact same building with the exact same people where everything is familar. The downside, unfortunately, would be the job itself since I never wanted to do it in the first place and was basically thrown into it unwillingly with only three days of training.

Yeah, it's pretty shit.

I was bumped into a proper office with a window and plant. My cube was taken down and no longer sits in the hallway outside of the conference room that I used to claim as my own. Instead, two folding tables have replaced it. It's nowhere near as nice as it used to be.

So many things have changed. There were a lot of new faces to learn and people had been moved around all over the fifth floor. My first few hours were spent wandering around trying to figure out where everyone sat now, who had left, who was hired, who was fired, who got promoted and noticing all of the other new, minor changes. It was still the fifth floor, but it was a lot more...cluttered, for lack of a better word.

I saw my supply closet and the third floor and almost started crying when I saw the state that they were in. All of my hard work just wasn't there anymore. Even though the company had hired three new admins to keep the place in order, you couldn't tell that they had done any proper work. It was a sad moment for me, because while I worked there, even though I didn't like it all the time, I did a damn good job and took pride in my work. I was a good admin and they....they just made admins look bad. I wanted to take charge, appoint myself as the new SuperAdmin and start sorting out the entire building.

Instead I was chucked into a brand new role that also had a nasty mess that needed to be cleaned up. I was in Change Management, whatever that is.

Rozan was the only one left who was keeping up with the job that I'd be taking over from her since she was going away for 90 days on leave of absence. What for, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that she was only going to be here for three more days until I was left to my own devices. I tried really, really hard to absorb everything that she was telling me that I'd have to do, but it was all hitting my brain and sliding right off. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and I was so confused I didn't know what questions to ask other than, "I'm sorry...what is all of this again?"

I made it though and kind of got a decent grasp on the entire thing. I'll be spending a lot of late nights at work trying to fill in the blanks and do my best to get as much done before I leave. And of course, the overtime won't hurt me either.

It's good to be back though. I go out with the lab for lunch just like I used to and have an office mate so things aren't so quiet like when I was back in my cube. Things have certainly changed and I'm still trying to get myself in a proper routine so I feel more like I'm back at work rather than it just being a temporary thing...even though it is. I'm in a strange limbo and once again very scattered like how I used to be when I was on the fifth floor. It must be something in the air.

**

I climb out of the tub when I hear the thunder in the distance. It sounds like we're about to have yet another fabulous thunderstorm. I always love thunderstorms in the middle of a smouldering summer. Not because it washes all of the mugginess away or because I think it's cool if the power ever goes out...but because it's comforting to me. Just like sitting in traffic after work, there's a strange familiarity in being under my covers in my room with the shades pulled up halfway watching the rain pound down outside against my window. It's weird, but something about it all makes me feel safe.