My Mumbling Thoughts

It always seems to be Wednesdays that I'm waiting for, huh? Who would have thought. And I don't plan it out that way either. It just happens. Which I think is kinda cool.

Life is funny really. One minute you're walking through the corridors at work with so much weighing on your shoulders, you're convinced that with every step you take, you're leaving a footprint in the carpet. You walk the same path day after day and the footprints just sink deeper and deeper into the ground. And they'll always be there, because you're never going to leave. Ever. You're stuck here. At least until you pay off the first student loan you ever took out, so basically until you die.

Then the next minute, you're standing in the kitchen, washing dishes and listening to your friends in the livingroom watching TV. They're visiting for the last bit of the summer and for you (and perhaps them as well) it's bittersweet. It's nice to have them around and to hang out with them and see them and talk about things that they also know and understand. But at the same time, it sucks because you're pretty damn sure you're not going back for the second half of uni. You're going to be at home...again....doing the same shit over and over until something happens and you eventually walk straight in front of a mack truck.

And then, while you're washing the dishes, your mother calls you upstairs for a chat in her room. You can only imagine what it's going to be about since you two have argued all summer over the same thing, non-stop. It's going to be about money. She's not signing, no matter what. Just forget about it. Throw in the towel and give up already. The battles were brutal and you're losing the war. You're beaten, battered and bruised for life. Just call it quits and stop torturing yourself. Sure, you put up a good fight, but it just wasn't good enough, was it? You win some, you lose some, blah, blah, blah....

You prepare yourself for it....wait....wait for it....just a moment....

"Well, I decided that I'd go ahead and sign your loan paperwork."

Wait a minute, rewind. I don't think I heard that properly the first time.

*In slow motion*

"Well, I decided that I'd go ahead and sign your loan paperwork."

Holy fuck. Did she just say what I think she just said?! I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL?!

HOT DAMN!!

I, obviously, burst into tears. The relief. Oh, the sweet relief of hearing her say that. All summer since day one I've been trying to find a way to sort all of this when I've known that Momma could make the entire problem go away with just those words. And she waited until the end of the summer to do it? The very end of the summer?

"To teach you a lesson, of course, Samantha Leigh. I'm not always going to be around for you to just come to whenever you need help. You've got to learn that there are some times in life when you won't always get your way and things will prevent you from stopping."

It was a test?! This entire thing was a test?! She knew the whole time that she'd be signing in the end!? What?!

Who cares? So what? You got her to say yes to signing your loan and now everything will be fine.

**

I've been spending the past two days sorting things out. Momma didn't tell me until this Sunday that she would sign my loan papers, so I've been rushing all over the place to get things sorted. Luckily, with all of the loan practice that I've had this summer, I flew through it all. The only difference is rather than being declined (depressing) I was conditionally approved. Woot!

Today I packed, and even though over half of my crap is still over there at Helen's house, I've still got two giant suitcases holding all of my crap. Clothes, mostly. I won't have to do laundry for at least two months. It'll save money in the long run, I think.

All the while, I've had Helen and Jon here, hanging out, chilling and relaxing in good 'ole VA. They went to New York for a bit while I hung out at home all on my lonesome since Momma and Mel were away in North Carolina. It was cool having the house to myself. I enjoyed it. Then when they came back, we finished the northern VA tour and hit DC which was a mission in itself. I hate DC. I always have. I always will. And I've got the wounds to show why.

We also went and saw Au Revoir Simone. We sat down by the pier, ate tons and tons of food. Did a bit of drinking....not much....(when you compare it to uni anyway), listen to music, hung out at the townhouse, ate some more, did a bit of shopping and just had a grand time. I have never laughed so much my entire life. Things are just so much sweeter now that I know that I'm going back and they'll all be there.

And I have plans. Real plans this time. Things that I'm going to do and sort out. This year is going to be completely different from last year. I don't want a repeat of my drunken nights out and pissing my money away on stupid shit. No way, no how. I'm excited for the new year to start so I can really see what I can do in London and use it properly (and sober, for that matter). While this summer has been absolute shit, it has completely opened my eyes and has taught me so much. I don't want to be the person I was last year. She was sad and pathetic and poor. Not this time around.

So the next few weeks may be a bit sparse with posts, but I do plan on keeping up better with the blog this year. I neglected my writing way too much last year and that's something I regret. I'm going to uni for creative writing after all. I need to actually write this year. That'd be helpful. Once I'm properly set up though and I've got my routine, things should pick up on My Mumbling Thoughts. And even though I'm continuing my second year, I still plan on writing about my first year. Somehow, I'm going to finish that little mini story of mine.