My Mumbling Thoughts

The past two weeks of my Easter break have been...well...nice? Decent? Relaxing? I suppose a combination of all three. I haven't really done that much, but similarly it feels like I've been keeping myself occupied for the most part. I've only got one week left of this slouching about and then it's back up to uni for two more weeks of lectures and then that's it. No more until my two exams.

Since I've been sat at the flat for most of my break, I decided to submit for endless amounts of jobs to make myself feel less guilty and keep all of my fingers and toes crossed that somebody would be willing to pay me a decent and steady wage until it's time for me to go back to VA for my summer break. I thought I had lucked out when a lady by the name of Kelly, sent me an email about a typing position and wanted someone ASAP. I'm a freak when it comes to typing (112 wpm, seriously), and figured this was right up my alley. She only sent me the one email back describing what the job was, and I haven't heard from her since. Bitch.

But then I got another call from a man named, Simon, this past Thursday. He works for a recruitment agency and asked if I could come in on that Friday to meet with him. I was elated, ecstatic, and through the roof with excitement. I was going on my first interview for an admin position here in London! Woot! Of course I was brought back down to earth though when he told me that they weren't hiring, but that they recruited people and he could help me find a job, which was good enough for me in the end. I have to send him an email with the dates of my exams, and while I'm waiting for those days to approach, he said he'd send me on interviews with any job prospects that happen to pass over his desk. So I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

On the way back from my meeting with Simon, though, I was walking up the stairs to my flat when I saw this really old woman who lives next door to us sat on the stairs with another woman slightly bent and speaking to her. I quickly took out my earbuds, paused Sugar and asked if she was okay.

Apparently, our 87-year-old neighbor, fainted on the way down the stairs and bumped her head on the wall. The paramedics had already been called and now this good samaritan lady was trying to help her up and back into her flat. I did my small piece as well, by holding her cane while waiting for the paramedics.

The good samaritan lady, however, didn't stick around long, and once she helped get her back into her flat, she pissed off and disappeared. I sat there with her for a little bit, and asked if she needed anything. She told me that she was just going into Putney to pick up a few things and visit her daughter who was in a mental ward because she has schizophrenia. "She's a real nightmare," she said to me, and I tried not to laugh a little. You would think that a mother wouldn't say something like that about their own child, but she seemed to be really annoyed that she had to go all the way into Putney (which is only ten minutes down the road from me; I've walked there a couple of times) to visit her.

She was eventually taken to the hospital, despite her fussing and stubbornness, and I asked one of the paramedics what her name is, in case we wanted to go to the hospital and visit her. And we did go into Kingston to visit her, but she hadn't arrived or been checked in yet. I left my mobile number with one of the nurses and said to give it to her once she got back home.

Yesterday, as I was sitting downstairs reading one of my books for American Literature, my phone began to ring and I noticed it was an unknown number. Generally I don't answer them in case it's our estate agent collecting rent (which I've still yet to pay), but with all of my CVs that are floating out there, I thought it might be someone who wanted to offer me a job.

No. It was our dear old neighbor, Olive. She had been released from the hospital and asked me if I didn't mind running down to the shop for her to pick up a few things. It was a little random and caught me by surprise, but I said that I didn't mind and would be round next door in a bit after I got ready. Even though it was nearly half three in the afternoon, I still hadn't showered or put proper clothes on. I know, I'm a skank, but I didn't plan on leaving and it's only just me, Trish and Carlene in the flat.

Carlene and I popped down to the shop for her, and to be honest, it was really nice to get out of the flat and walk around. The weather has been slowly getting nicer and nicer, and I was able to leave the flat with short sleeves and no jacket. Although, by the time we were making our way back up to the flat, I could feel it start to get a little bit chilly.

We chatted with her for a bit in her doorway, smiled, nodded and refused her money when she tried to give us a tenner for taking fifteen minutes out of our lives to leave the flat. "Are you sure, deary?" she said to me. "I'm positive. Put your money away. We really don't mind."

After we did our good deed for the day, we went back into our own flat and chilled out. I finished reading my book, Trish did a bit of coursework and Carlene chatted on the phone for a little bit with family back home in Texas. It was a decent day.

The book that I've finished reading though, The Virginian, is really good. It's a country-western, and apparently the first one ever written, which lead to the famous, John Wayne, and other famous cowboys that I'm not familiar with, but should be. I have to admit, I've got a huge crush on The Virginian. He's hot. And such the gentleman. If only I could be so lucky to find a man that would stand up for my honor, even though we had never properly met. I want someone who says to another man, "Rise on your legs, you pole cat, and tell them you're a liar," because he had spoken ill of me in front of a group. That would do it for me. Totally make my day.

It's Monday now. The last Monday of our break. Our delightful little break. Part of me doesn't want uni to start up again. To see everyone and deal with everything is just so exhausting to think about. But I suppose the sooner I get all of this shit done, the sooner I can wrap up second year, toss it in the bin and forget it ever happened. That is what I can't wait for. Third year should be a lot nicer, since I'll be back on campus, in my old house (not the same floor though), and have my own little duckling freshers to look after. That's going to be funny. I find it uncanny though, how all of us that applied for floor rep, managed to get floor rep. Me, Alex, Carlene, Fiona and Santos have all made it back on campus with the new responsibility of taking care of the wee yearlings. Random, but cool. I can't wait for third year. Just thinking about third year....third year....third year....

Posted by Sam at 02:00 PM | Permalink

What is it about going to other people's houses that makes you feel extra special? Well, generally it does anyway. It's always fun to look around and see all of the new things. Where do they hide their bowls? Because they are hiding. Or how do you work the shower? It's a mystery and there are always new discoveries. I'm not sure if it's extremely rude or not, but sometimes I can't help but to have a nose around and see what other people have. It's interesting to see what other people use to wash their dishes, or what they keep in the bottom drawer in the kitchen. Our drawer back home is what we call the "junk drawer". That's where we look if we need an emergency light bulb or double A batteries.

Helen was lovely and invited me to stay with her for a coupe of days over Easter break at her house back in Kingston, which is about fifteen minutes away from uni. I jumped on the chance to get out of the flat since I had been cooped up inside for four days.

Four days. I stayed inside. And did nothing.

Saying that though, it was mostly my fault, but where was I going to go? What was I going to do all alone?

Trish was at home, but her boyfriend, Will, was down to visit her for a couple of days. I was feeling very much like a third wheel, and I never really know what to do when people are in the middle of Public Displays of Affection. Every so often I would hear them smooching on the other sofa, and while I'm glad that Trish has a man that makes her happy (every woman deserves that), I'm not too comfortable being the only one in the room while they're making love eyes at each other. I never know what to do or where to look, or should I leave?

Helen said if I wanted to get away from the love nest for a little while, I could crash at her place. I basically packed a few clothes and Bridget to move from doing nothing in one place, and going to do nothing in a new place. And quite frankly, it's refreshing.

Even though it's not my house, and I'm not surrounded by my things, it's a home. Helen's mom and dad are here and they're so lovely. We had a home cooked Sunday dinner last night which reminded me of being back home when Momma would cook for Mel and me. Helen's mom is so cute and is always asking if I'm okay. Would I like a cup of tea or anything else to eat? Am I sure that I'm full, would I like any dessert?

Yes, Mrs. P, I'd love another cookie.

It's cozy and we watch bad daytime television together. I also get a different vibe here which makes me feel like nothing would ever go wrong. Parents are here and they take care of us. We're not uni students that struggle on our own. No. We're 7-years-old and we're having an extended sleep over.

Last night Helen and I had a hench chat about stuff that we haven't talked about in a very long time. Boy drama from back in the day, and talking about what third year of uni is going to be like. There are so many new changes over the hill for us, and I wonder what it's going to be like. I wonder what it's going to do to us as people. Second year has definitely been a depressing one (in some ways, more depressing than first year), and I get the feeling that everyone can't wait for it to be done and over with so we can just shove all of the horrifying memories in a small box and tuck it away on top of a shelf in our wardrobes. I just want to forget that a lot of things even happened.

At the moment though, it feels like none of those terrible events even happened. I have gotten a sneak peek into one of the houses that I see whenever I'm stuck on the bus. It's nice and warm in the kitchen, and comfortable in the living room. I don't worry about what I'm going to eat or if we have electric. I just lay in my room in my pajamas and listen to Helen's family outside of my door. And even though Virginia is over 3,000 miles away, I feel right at home all the same.

Posted by Sam at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This whole week I've done a whole lot of nothin'. Not a damn thing.

Well, I suppose that's a lie. I did leave the flat on Wednesday to take some of my posters down around uni and found out that I made floor rep for next year. Wahey! It'll be fun to have my own group of little freshers, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, just so I can introduce them to the crazy life in the small uni bubble and fuck 'em all up. I'm really excited and can't wait.

Aside from that though, nothing. I've been sat on the couch with Trish watching all of my dvds on Bridget. To be honest it has been really nice, but now that the end of the week has reached us, I feel a tiny bit guilty. I mean, this break is for us to work and catch up on writing essay and coursework. I shouldn't be slouching around the flat. I should at least be looking for a job.

So to ease my guilty conscious somewhat, I applied for about seven jobs online last night that I found. I hope someone calls. I might re-write my whole CV though and make it more "UK friendly". I'm not sure if there is a specific way that I should write mine, but I don't think it makes the list for people around here.

All of the jobs were admin/receptionist jobs that are similar to what I did when I worked back with Momma. It's easy, I've got tons of experience and I think it would be good for me to get back into a routine like I had back home. If I can find a nice equal balance like the life I had back in VA and incorporate it with going out at night like I do here, then I'll be set. I'll have a nice steady income and a means for me to go out and pay my rent.

Of course I've also been looking for freelance writing jobs, but I don't even think I'm looking in the right area for that. I would like to write, whether I get paid or not, just so my name can be out there and I can get some actual writing credentials on my CV. That would be ideal. Although, I'm not sure where I should be looking for freelance writing opportunities. You would think that my uni would be more helpful in that arena, but it's really not. Our writing department sucks.

Yesterday I also managed to clean my room which looked like a hurricane ripped through it. I had to de-boy the entire place since I let Erik crash in there when he visited me. As much as I like to think that I'm gross and can live in a disgusting hole for the entire Easter break, I'm not. I have to be a little clean and a little organized, otherwise I might just go insane.

Otherwise, not much is going on in the World of Sam. Just back with the same 'ole problems as last year, just not as depressed as when they first hit me. I know everyone has the same problems as I do. It's a just a matter of how you deal with it this time around, and hoping for the best even though everything at the moment looks pretty grim.

Posted by Sam at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The thing about politics is that generally there's a winner and there's a loser. Unfortunately this time around, I was a loser.

Yeah. It sucks.

I didn't get international officer.

28 votes people! 28 votes and that position would have been mine.

The good news is that the night I found out, I went to Whitelands bar (her territory) and had everyone, and I mean everyone tell me that they wished it would have been me to get the position and not her. My friend, Anant, was particularly not impressed and said he wasn't looking forward to working with her. But, that there are top up elections and that I should go for newspaper editor, which I think I might actually do. I mean, after I was upset for all of two seconds, I thought about it and realized I'm not a diplomat. I'd get tired of being such an official capacity and that newspaper editor was probably more my thing. My scene. I mean, it is what I would like to do in the future.

I also took comfort in knowing that Adam, aka Guinness, said that he really didn't want to make the call because he was really pulling for me. A lot of people just kept saying that there was nothing else I could do to have been more out there. My posters were everywhere, my name, my face, my body was everywhere. I went out to different events, I stood and walked around campus for two weeks, handing out flyers, talking to people, standing in the wind and rain trying to get more votes. I got a small bit of the flu, cold chills and still have a slightly phlegmy cough. I did everything, even if in my warped brain I still think I could have done more.

I definitely don't regret any of it though. I have met so many people and have realized so many great things. People who I haven't seen or spoken to in ages have come up to me and said that they voted for me and how much of a shitter it is that I lost. I tell them not to worry though, because I'll be in the RSU next year, just in a position that suits me better.

I spoke to Mo, the chick who won, and we did the whole 'congrats on winning, you were a good sport' conversation, and she doesn't seem too awful. I think she might actually want to do some good, and she's excited about working with me next year in making sure that international students are properly represented, especially in the newspaper. I told her it would be cool, because we'd have two international people up in the RSU, and we could cover more ground with both of us up there.

Of course I still think she has shitty friends who I definitely do not get along with. Who I actually got in a fight with on Friday at the bop, and then proceeded to get kicked out of the bop.

Yeah. It was DRAMA. Although, now when I look at it, I think it's really funny.

Do you remember that third year bitch that told me I was going to lose? Yeah, I got in a scrap with her. I guess she was so elated that Mo had beaten me in the elections, she felt the need to laugh extremely loud and be an obnoxious twat at the bop. Zoe was not having any of it and asked her to quit her shit (but a lot more diplomatically). We wouldn't have done that if Mo had lost and she had no reason to be such a cunt to me.

Well, the stupid, fat chav started getting mouthy as they do. I told Zoe not to worry about it and just ignore her. We went to the toilets, but after we left I somehow got separated from her. I went outside to the courtyard looking for her, and when I didn't see anyone I recognized, I marched right up to Jordan (who was also standing next to Swindon), and asked him where Zoe was. Shit was about to kick off and I needed to find her. He pointed up at the picnic tables where I saw Zoe standing with Carlene, Fiona and Despo smoking a cigarette. That fat chav and her friends were standing in a group next to them and mouthing off.

I don't remember the exact details, because I was very drunk and I think I might have actually blacked out, but all that I can remember is that I saw that stupid bitch push Zoe, and after that I just remember being held back by five other people and screaming at her, "don't you fucking start in on my goddamned friends you fucking, cunting chav! Don't you fucking start in on them!"

Yeah, it wasn't pretty. I then proceeded to get escorted off the premise by two bouncers and everyone saw. EVERYONE. Oh well.

It was a heavy evening, and I cried, mostly because I was drunk and alone. I yelled at the bouncers. I was standing outside of the gates, and when one of them asked me what my surname was I just yelled back, "fuck you!" and "you're an asshole!"

It wasn't exactly my greatest shining moment, but hopefully people will think that I'm a hard ass and won't try to start anything with me or my friends ever again. I'm a little mortified that everybody saw (especially Swindon), but at the same time I'm not. I just think it's really funny and another drunk Sam story.

Now it's Easter break. Erik left yesterday to go back to VA. And me? I'm EXHAUSTED. After two and a half weeks of campaigning and then having Erik around, I am flat out shattered. For the past two days I haven't done anything except slept and lounge around the flat. I'm thinking about staying in the entire Easter break and not doing anything except my coursework and eating. I could do it as well, because Erik brought me a carton of cigarettes, so there's really no need for me to leave. By the time uni started up again, I'd be completely refreshed and probably a little yellow from lack of sunlight.

I'm just happy that I get to rest and chill out for a little bit. And to do some writing. I'm really excited about that. In the meantime, how have y'all been? I've missed you guys!

Posted by Sam at 04:56 PM | Permalink

- I have been reunited with my beloved. Oh, my darling Bridget. This feels normal and right. I picked her up earlier today and now I've been spending most of the evening getting her set up back to how she was before....well....the accident. I have to re-load some things, get some pictures back on her and she'll be like it never happened. And we can just forget that that horrible thing ever happened.

- Campaign week has been kicking my ass. Of course I'm not going to let my opponent know that. My mood was dampened a bit earlier today as well, when I saw that someone had written on one of my posters, "We don't vote 4 slags." It's okay though, because I'm over it now. I don't care, and it's just going to make me that much happier when I WIN.

- I have fallen out big time with my now ex-friend, Santos, who I haven't really mentioned on here before, but we did used to hang out quite a bit. It's a very long-winded story that I really cannot be bothered to type out at the moment, because my brain simply cannot form any words strong enough to convey how upset, angry and hurt I was at the time....but maybe one day, when I'm not constantly thinking, "VOTE SAM" I'll write it all out.

- Erik (from VA) is going to be visiting me in exactly one week now. I can't wait, although he will be coming at the end of campaigning, so I'll probably be a useless tour guide. I'm hoping since he has already been here before, he won't want to do the Central tour thing...and maybe just hang out at the flat with me and make fajitas. That would be awesome.

- The date was postponed....AGAIN....because some of the guys couldn't all make it together. So I've now been told that it's sometime next week. I'm not holding my breath.

- Regular posting shall commence when I can actually keep my eyes open throughout the entire time I'm typing up a post.

Much love. Vote Sam.

Posted by Sam at 10:33 PM | Permalink

I rented a temporary laptop from the library on Friday. It's just not the same. Things look differently on this adopted laptop. They feel different. I dislike it immensely. I miss my darling Bridget.

I still haven't heard back from the Apple hospital, but I figure I did drop her off late on Thursday evening. It's only Sunday. And I suppose no news is good news?

Until I hear back from the folks at Apple though, I guess I should be grateful that I do have this loaner...I can check the internet at my own leisure, which is handy, so I'm not constantly asking the girls if I can nick their laptops for a little bit just to check my facebook.

But still...things aren't in the same place. I'm lost on this old school IBM laptop that's cold and impersonal. I hate it.

Aside from the laptop drama, I've been a busy little bee as of late. Again, I'm behind on uni work and am getting letters and warnings already about my work. Honestly, I'm afraid I might fail. This year is definitely not going as planned, but I hope to try and turn some things around in the next week or two. But it's not like I'm not doing the work because I don't feel like it. I've just got way too many other things going on at the moment. Campaign week starts bright and early tomorrow morning promptly at 8am, I have a floor rep interview on Friday at 3:30pm, I have to make a speech on Tuesday at 6:00pm, oh yeah, and the long awaited date is finally this Wednesday.

I've also got to go out and be social for the next two weeks with money that I simply do not have. The number that I owe people steadily climbs upwards, whilst the funding in my own account is swiftly disappearing. The rent is two weeks overdue, I don't have a job, but have plenty of stress to go around and share with everyone.

I want to scream.

But I don't. Instead I sleep, because I figure that's more beneficial to me and everyone within earshot.

How do things get like this? When did I allow for things to just get so crazy without me noticing what was happening? Why am I such a freak and can't just get things done, sorted and out of the way? I really want someone to just come in and help me out. I think I might have bitten off far more than I can chew.

I suppose on the bright side of things, Mel told me that her and Momma are going to be getting their taxes done on Monday. Apparently I'm supposed to be getting a nice chunk of change, and that will help out loads when it finally comes in. I'm just glad that Momma is OCD about getting her taxes done early, rather than waiting until the very last minute (which is probably more something I would do).

I'm just not used to being busy. Like, really busy to where people depend on me for things. I'll find a groove and then things will hopefully run a lot more smoothly.

I do have competition in this year's election for my intnernational officer spot. Her name is, Mo. Seriously. As if that's a real name. Pffft....whatevs. She's from Holland (I think) and her "3rd year" friend/campaign manager felt the need to tell me this past Friday at the bop that I was going to lose.

Ha! Whatever. I was really looking forward to this being a clean campaign without any fuss, but her friend just pissed me off and made me kick my campaign into high gear. You do not tell me I'm going to lose. I could have punched her.

I have lots of people around me who are going to help me out (thank goodness), and I'm sure that by the end of next week, I would have kicked her ass in the elections and win by a landslide of votes. Bitch.

This weekend I've mostly just been in bed, thinking, thinking, constantly thinking about things that I have coming up. I know I shouldn't overthink things, because it's just going to make me stress out even more, but I can't help it. Ugh, especially about this date, that I'm actually not looking forward to anymore. Before I would have been fine, but now I've had time (too much time) to think about it, and now I've built it up far too much, therefore leaving me with expectations that I'm sure will not be met, and leaving me crushed. By my crush.

Blah....my brain is just so crowded with stuff I can't even write properly. How am I supposed to write creatively when all I keep on thinking is, "campaign, date, no clothes, dirty flat, essays, books I haven't read, no food, no time for food, have I peed today?" Oh yeah, that sounds really good.

Posted by Sam at 11:50 AM | Permalink