My Mumbling Thoughts

It seems like I am continuously learning who are good friends, who are great friends, and who are lifelong friends that I should hope to know until we're old. For as long as I can remember, all the way back to the fourth grade when I knew Stephanie Ramazini, I've traded, recycled and gained new best friends every single year. Stephanie kicked off first, then there was blond Heather, red-headed Heather, Tabitha (whom I got in a big fight with and never spoke to ever again), Shella, Kirsty, Gina and finally Sarah in my junior year of high school.

Halfway through my senior year when I lived in North Carolina, Momma moved me up to Virginia with me kicking and screaming the whole way. I didn't want to leave halfway through my senior year, yet it was my fault for leaving in the first place. She said I could stay if I remained on good behavior, but because I was going through my "rebel phase" (which appears to only now be fading away), I was forced to move twenty minutes away from the nation's capital leaving all of my small town friends behind with no word, not even a small note saying good-bye. It must have seemed like I had been kidnapped, however, skipping school and getting my friend's dad to pierce my belly button when we were all drunk after Thanksgiving was not part of the Momma-Sam agreement. I had relinguished my rights as a free spirited 17-year-old and had to spend my last six months of my high school career in a brand new school, with brand new faces, in a brand new location. It was quite possibly six of the worst months of my entire life.

During my time spent at T.C. Williams (yes, where they filmed Remember The Titans), I kept to myself mostly and worked to get my GPA up. While I was living in my small, southern town it had sunk to a pathetic 2.1, and by the time I walked across the stage to collect my diploma I managed to raise it all the way up to a 3.5.

Yes, it was quite an accomplishment, but it didn't mean that I was happy while I worked on getting those good grades. I was very quiet, meak and hated every new person that I came in contact with or tried to get to know me. Everyone there was stupid and didn't understand me. Or better yet, I didn't understand them; what was with them calling cigarettes 'jacks' anyway? They had stupid words in Virginia.

I did briefly make a new friend, Lauren, who was in a similar boat that I was in, only she was from Oklahoma (who knew people actually lived there!) and she was a junior. We met in gym class and talked about how shit Virginia was together. It was a nice common ground and we understood that we weren't really best friends, but that each other's company would do for the time being until it was time for us to go our separate ways.

In between my alone time hating everything that was in Virginia and my time spent with my temporary friend, Lauren, I met Mendy. I can't remember exactly how we met each other and started talking, but I'm pretty sure it was during one of our many gym classes that we loathed. We would sit in the locker room getting changed into our gross uniforms and talk about how pointless physical education is for students in the 21st century; we'd be lucky if we burned off our calories from lunch. We also thought it was a bit hypocritical to have a gym teacher that closely resembled Fat Albert.

Immediately our friendship clicked into place like two pieces that had been waiting to find each other. She was so funny and smart and made me want to speak differently, more like how an educated adult might speak; and she helped me not feel so alone like the weird, awkward, small town outcast that I was. She was my soulmate, the one person who just got me immediately without having to ask any questions. We were inseparable, and yet at the same time we could go for long periods of not speaking to each other and not have the time apart make one bit of difference. We could so easily pick our friendship up right where we left off and slip back into the S&M (hehe dirrty) ways. We went to concerts (oh, so many fulfilling gigs we went to), we worked so hard to come to London, and in between we spent the rest of our time chilling by the pier in Alexandria, talking about the future, talking about life in general, and talking about when we would be free from our parents and living independently.

She is, to this day (aside from Mel who I've obviously known all my life), the only best friend I've had for longer than two years. Six years later after I made that unwilling move to the state I once despised, and we're still going strong like an old married couple. We've had our disagreements, the occasional argument, but more good times than bad. I would certainly not be who I am today without her.

I remember after I told her that I was going to try and move over here to London so I could be closer to Ash and start a new life away from all of my different ball and chains (i.e. Momma, my job, my boring routine life); she was not the happiest person and it took her a while to give me her support. The whole time we had always talked about how we were going to move away and live together. We would get jobs together and be poor college students together, and here I was just taking it upon myself to break our future plans without consulting her about it first. It was a strain on our friendship and probably the hardest hit we've ever taken.

Looking back on it now it's silly, because lord, we were so young. She was just seventeen, and there I was at nineteen going on twenty and our lives just felt so big as if we were at a major crossroads (god, that sounds so shit and cliché, but there's really no other way to describe it). But we were. We were leaving our teenage years behind us and welcoming a new chapter into a more adult life. Sure, we thought we spoke like adults and acted like adults, and for our age we were considerably mature, especially Mendy; she was always more like the adult between the two of us. However, we were still so inexperienced and didn't know shit about life. As much as we thought we were our own person, we heavily relied on each other. Breaking off all of our mutual plans left us alone in this great big world and that was terrifying for us both to accept.

Now we are certainly different people, we are both our own person, we both have moved away and have been living our own lives, creating our own rules and have that freedom that we both talked about so long ago. I am no longer in the firm grips of Momma and have a strong relationship with her now, and Mendy has been supporting herself, continuing her education and engaged.

Indeed. Engaged.

I've never met him, but I know Mendy, and I know she's a smart gal. I may not understand getting married at twenty-one, but I understand her, and I know that she wouldn't be doing it unless she was completely sure. And that's the thing about us -- we may not always agree or are on board straight away with each other's decisions, but that's only because we worry and are concerned for our friend. But the trust that we have in each other puts our worried thoughts to rest. I know she will only do things that she's ready for and from the sounds of things, they're really happy with each other, which is all I could ask for. I am there for her through the good and the bad, just as I know she is for me no matter what we get ourselves into.

Mendy: I really miss you, I miss our eternal conversations, I miss you being my soulmate. You've always been able to understand me like no one else. We have changed a lot, but in some ways I think we'll always be the same. I hope our friendship never changes.

Me: It's true, we have experienced many changes over the past couple of years but I believe the two of us will forever remain to be 19 and 17-years-old living in Alexandria. That part of me you have for eternity. It is something that I have never taken for granted.