My Mumbling Thoughts

Quiet. Peace and quiet.

I truly do need a balance of alone time and family time. I can't deal with noise all the time. And the TV. Christ, why does the TV need to be on all. the. fucking. time. Just turn it off man! It'll be okay. Why don't we put on some music? Music is nice. It can be soothing. You can bounce along to it. And it can linger in the background while we do other things that don't require me to sit and stare at the moving pictures on the TV!

I'm moving out of Alex's house today and heading back to RoeHo where I'll finally gather all of my things under one roof once again and get settled in for my third -- and most importantly -- final year.

No more uni after this folks. Remember when I wanted to move over here? Yeah, well I did and now it has come to it's final scene. Fucking hell am I exhausted.

I have had a very busy summer indeed, and yet so much time has been wasted sitting around waiting for things to happen. I'm waiting for uni to start, I'm waiting to hear about a part-time job, I'm waiting for my fucking loan to kick in, I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, always waiting.

And y'all know I don't do well when all there is to do is wait around. I need to be doing something.

I've been sat in a blur for the past week and now I can get back to being active, interacting with humans that don't always want to feed me bacon and steak, and start to regain my footing once again. But while I've been waiting to get a move on, other things have been waiting for me. Carlene is waiting for me to respond to her message about why I haven't spoken to her at all this summer; Mel is waiting on me, Momma is waiting on me, Sarah is waiting on me and perhaps even now Ash is waiting on me.

Oh yeah. I said Ash. He responded to my email that I sent him a couple of weeks ago and now I'm digesting his words, his very poignant words that didn't cut or hurt me, but woke me up and reminded me of some things. It'll be okay though. I'll be okay, and I know that he'll be okay and maybe after some time we can finally lay all of that mess from two years ago to rest and be okay with each other.

I feel like I'm in a holding pattern and that everything is just waiting on something. There's everything waiting for me at uni. I'm waiting on my freshers to arrive, introducing myself and getting to learn about all of them. I'm waiting to set up my room, sort out my work, crack open my notebooks and get back to that novel that has been sitting on my mind. I'm waiting to see old friends that I've been missing all summer and will be waiting to see those that have gone off to other cities. And I'll deal with it all as it comes to me.

Mostly I'm just waiting to get back into the swing of things, get back on a regular routine and not have to live out of a suitcase any longer. Then I won't be waiting anymore. I'll just be back and be better than ever.