"Once things look up I come falling down"
The thing about babies is that they grow up and no longer need you for those easy beginner steps that you're more than happy to show them over and over until your eyes begin to bleed. The thing about babies that aren't babies in the first place, but full grown adults who are only in their first year of university but you like to call them your babies anyway, is that they quickly gain their feet on the university grounds and piss off to leave you the lone parent in the flat wondering "hmm....now what?"
Yes, my babies. My wee freshers. My darling angels that needed me for so much in the first few weeks of university are now able to work things out for themselves, on their own, without me.
"It's okay, Sam. I know where the building is."
"Really? Are you sure? Do you want me to walk there with you? DON'T FORGET YOUR HAT! IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!"
I don't think I could have been put with a better group of girls. Yeah, there are growing pains, but that's how it is when you're learning about different people and wading through all of the Life Shit to get past to the other side where all of the goodness and fun is. My babies dance, cuddle, hug, laugh, cook, work, sing, shop and spend time together. We are literally one big happy family and I can easily walk into the kitchen and want to spring up off my feet into the air and give whoever is in there a big morning hug and squeal "I MISSED YOU WHILE I WAS SLEEPING!" We have even adopted a few freshers to call our own (I *heart* you Gerry), and Trish is always round ours hanging out and gathering the babies round in a big circle for Story Time.
It has been a fantastically wonderful time.
But.
Oh yeah. The BUT.
Just because things are so amazing doesn't mean that my problems have magically disappeared. I'm still in need of a job. I'm still at university and need to be making a sufficient amount of time to actually WORK and WRITE and READ for my course. These things haven't just kindly walked away because I'm having so much fun with all of these new people.
After the party from Hell and I gained some serious perspective and worked out my priorities, I've been doing better with keeping myself at home. It's a bit boring, but I let the babies go out and have their fun, and while I have that alone time, I read, or I work on finding myself a job. Occasionally I'll chill out with Trish and we'll eat chocolate while laughing at funny Dane Cook skits, but I do get things done. If I'm gonna be the Momma of the flat, then I need to sacrifice some fun things just like my Momma did while we were growing up. It's not MY first year, but THEIR first year. They should be the ones going out and getting wrecked, and I should be in waiting for them with a hair tie and a tall glass of water.
Of course that doesn't mean that they want me to stay inside on my lonesome all the time. They do invite me out and I have to kindly decline saying no to their offers to buying me one drink. Babies should not have to be buying Momma drinks. They have been amazing though, and know of my "situation". Livvi in particularly has been a nice listening ear and Gerry is so ridiculously connected with people in London.
"I know people, Sam. Trust me, we'll find you a job."
I don't know what that's supposed to mean exactly, but I'll just take his word for it.
It has been good so far for me though. I try to keep things quiet about how stressed out I am about some things, but they can pick up on my Different Mood Vibes already. Livvi already knows and will give me these looks like YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME, SAM. I CAN TELL YOU'RE DEEP IN THOUGHT. Yes, you caught me Livvi. And while I'm sitting alone in my room applying for jobs online, Livvi, Katie and Fee will come into my room with a cup of tea and give me cuddles because they could tell that I wasn't feeling like my usual self.