My Mumbling Thoughts

The trees have changed color as they do at this time of year. Standard. The leaves all look like dry, crumpled claws scattered all over the ground and scrape along the sidewalks. I love it. It's getting to the point now where the wind bites my face and I have to put extra moisturizer on after I've washed my face because of the dry skin. Welcome to autumn in London.

It's true that every time the seasons change I get all nostalgic for home. I suppose it also could be because I didn't go home over the summer, and now there is the potential that I won't be going for Christmas either. Again, it's not because Momma and I have had some terrible fall out, but rather that money is tight, the economy isn't in the greatest conditions and because I was unable to get my loan, the money is coming straight out of our family's pocket rather from my checks.

I guess it could be a good thing to spend my last Christmas in London for a while. After this year, who knows when I'll be back. Obviously I will come back. I have friends here that I'll want to see and visit. But I mean to live. I might not live here for a while after my third year of uni.

So far things with me have been okay. I've been going to my lectures (I really don't have an excuse not to go considering I only have two each week AND I'm only a five minute walk away), and Trish and I have gotten our jobs working together as estate agent assistants. Money has been non-existent, but I'm not as stressed out about it, because Momma and I actually have more communication about my lack of funds and she has been helping me out big time. It'll be a lot better once I start earning an income and can properly support myself throughout my final year. The babies are all doing so well too, and our wee flat is my new home away from home. There haven't been any major dilemmas that couldn't be easily mended, and we're each just going out, doing our thing and having a good time.

Life has not been dramatic. It has not been stressful. It has been coasting almost, and it's kind of freaking me out.

I think I've mistaken my no-stress as "boring". Is my life boring now? Is it because I'm not so completely caught up in third year drama that I've become "blah"? Or is this how other "normal" people live without stress and constantly worrying about everything around them? What is going on? I'm not used to this! True, I stay in more, but that's because I'm saving money and it's getting increasingly colder, but it's not like I'm a hermit. I've gone out a few times in the past week and I've just had a generally good time. No one has cried. Nobody has had their feelings hurt. Things are just....fine.

I shouldn't complain though, and take this time to do things I need to do. I still haven't been reading or writing enough. I'm just not feeling it like I did in the old flat when we lived on the estate. And with this new job that Trish and I will be starting on Monday, my free time is going to be cut in half. I will be one busy motherfucker, and am going to enjoy my last week of time off.

Things aren't fantastic, but they aren't a pile of shit either. It's a weird feeling to have for me since I'm always used to one extreme or another. I guess I'll just see how long it lasts and see where all of these new developments take me.