"I never realized how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while."
The plane journey was extra long this time. I think it's because I was just so damn impatient about getting here. In my head all I kept thinking was, "oh, come on! I've done this a million times, let's just get this show on the road already!" I was thinking that, and of course, "please don't let me die on this plane ride and drown in the Atlantic or be eaten alive by sharks." Because that, is one of my worst nightmares about flying. And losing my luggage. Yes. Those two would be my worst nightmares.
I made it all in one piece, though, with both gigantic suitcases (one, which was filled entirely with dirty clothes, because our washer and dryer at the house are the two greatest appliances that we own). We arrived a little bit later than we should have, but it was fine. I made it through customs like the haggard student I am, and almost kissed the officer when he said, "welcome home."
Yes, thank you! I AM HOME.
It's the second full day that I'm back, and I think my body and brain are still trying to catch up with everything around me. I know I'm home. I see I'm home. But it is actually exhausting for me to believe I'm home, if that makes sense. My head hurts when I look around and see all of the changes. To be fair, things haven't changed that much, but it's enough for me to have to sit and process it all. They've moved lots of furniture around. They've gotten rid of old things and replaced them with new, fancier, more high-tech things. I don't know how to work the new TV remotes, but I try not to fuss with the TV too much anyway, because it's all too much for my brain to take in. I can watch Mtv again?! Holy shit, THE TODAY SHOW?!
Yeah, I had to turn it off.
It appears that we've accumulated a lot more stuff as well. Our house is too cluttered and I don't know how or why we've got all of these extra bits and bobs that we don't really need, but it's irritating me to sit in it all. Mel has obviously gone shopping to fill up her time when she's off on Wednesdays, and Momma is too busy to run down to the local Salvation Army to drop off the mountain of boxes and bags that are collecting in random corners of the house. It needs to go. All of it.
Everywhere I look there's something I see that I want to change, that I want to clean or organize and tidy up, because...well, why not? It doesn't really feel like mine anymore, but rather it's Momma and Mel's stuff that they've gotten without me here. I figure if I do something with it, like clean it, or move it or something, then it can be mine too.
Aside from the house being different from the past year, it's good to be home. I have forgotten a lot about being back, and some little habits of mine I've discovered never change despite that I've been away. One thing that's still taking some time to get used to, though, is the silence. It's so quiet here and I've found that I always need something on in the background just so it doesn't feel like I'm in some kind of self-contained quarantine building. The silence is deafening and actually hurts the top of my head. I sometimes think that I might explode it's so quiet. Where are the people? Where's the sound of traffic outside? Airplanes? Birds? ANYTHING?
I'm going to have to take things one day at a time. Now that I'm here I feel like I should be doing something every minute, because I'm on a countdown. I haven't actually relaxed yet, or chilled out or took some time to just sit and be, because I'm always up and looking around to find something to do. I'll just chill out, though, take a second and slowly work my way through the house, re-acquainting myself with each part one day at a time. I don't have to do everything in one go. I can't wait to see what else I find or discover while I'm sifting through it all.