My Mumbling Thoughts

This Sunday I've spent the majority of my time in bed reading the GINORMOUS newspaper I bought yesterday for a pound, or reading one of the four girly books I bought on offer at Waterstones. Yesterday was a beautiful day, one that I haven't seen in London for a while now, and I spent my entire Saturday out in Central with my Ger-Bear who came up for a one night visit. We literally walked all over London and it was so nice out that I didn't even bring a jacket with me. Of course I'm not going to babble on about my day just yet. I'll vlog about it later over yonder, you know, once I've showered and don't look like a greasy cat. I have pictures to include and I just think it's bitchin', because I hardly ever (well, never) take pictures when I go out. And I want to share them with the Internet.

What I do want to talk about is how ass backwards and fucked up my life is. Oh, Universe! You are SO. FUNNY. Only not funny in the slightest. Why? Because that one night stand that I thought I'd never see or hear from ever again turned out to be a little too interested in me for my liking. Yes. The overly eager 19-year-old (!) army surveyor would not. stop. ringing. me. He would also not. stop. texting. me. The texting! Jesus, the texting! All he would do is send me a text, then ring three times, then text again asking if I was ignoring him, and how come I wasn't answering, and again, why don't I answer my phone?

Um, I don't know buddy. Maybe because we only slept with each other ONE TIME, and you being super duper clingy and all kind of suffocating is really off-putting for a chick that has severe mental issues when it comes to men.

It's really ironic, though, isn't it? How I've been going on about how I'd really like to "find someone" and how I'm "ready" and all that nonsense. Then here comes along this 6'2" dude that is ALL ABOUT relationships and whatnot and immediately I'm like, whoa! Hold your horses mister! I'm not ready for all of that. Especially considering the fact that I've only know him for a nanosecond.

Bless him. A couple of weeks ago he sent me a text asking if he could come for a visit and hang out. I was slightly confused because a.) guys don't do that, and b.) what were his ulterior motives? Because guys obviously have ulterior motives all the time, no matter what, according to the Psycho Side of my brain.

So I agreed (even though something inside of me felt really off about it all). I said, sure, yeah, why not. Come back for a visit. We'll have a good time, a good shag and whatevs. Nothing weird about that. Let's just keep it casual, nothing too fancy.

I suppose agreeing to let him come for a visit, though, was also an invitation for him to CALL and TEXT me NON-STOP. I was out at my friend, Ryan's gig, and after I told him that I was out with some friends at a gig, he STILL KEPT CALLING AND TEXTING letting me know that he was bored, watching 300 and "what were we going to do over the weekend?"

Well, not much at this rate. That was my first red flag that something wasn't right. I don't like the phone in general (horrible invention; I really only use it for the time), so to have it constantly going off while I was out and about was really annoying. I don't like to be annoyed. I like for people to get the hint that I'm out doing things with my friends and I don't want to be rude and unsociable by texting back a response that only says, "Lol!" It's retarded.

When it was the end of the week and time for him to arrive, I had barely made an effort, I wasn't wearing any make-up and I couldn't even be bothered to tidy my room. He got to my uni two hours earlier than I was anticipating anyway, and I actually cringed when the phone started ringing. Now I had to entertain another human being for an entire weekend? Seriously? I was not in the mood for that.

He didn't stay the whole weekend though, thank goodness. He only stayed for one night because I was flat-out exhausted from already going out three nights in a row. I think I was running on a total of ten hours of sleep and I didn't want to sit and talk about what he does in the army, or what his friends do in the army, or what his plans were while he was in the army. He just yabbered on and on and I caught myself drifting into my own thoughts while we ate our dinner at Wagamamas. This wasn't right. He was lovely, but we didn't click. We didn't mesh. We didn't gel. It just wasn't there.

After he left, I was really confused. I was also really tired, but mostly confused. What was wrong with me? How come I couldn't get on with this guy who was, yes, a little brash, but still nice enough all the same? He was really nice, and lovely. But he was also just not my type. It would seem that our personalities were not a good mix and I knew it when he told me that he liked Nickelback.

I'd have to disagree with that. I'd also have to disagree that their "latest album really rocks." It does not rock. Nickelback sucks.

So I hoped that he wouldn't ever call me or text me ever again. I also pushed it out of my mind that I was some crazy woman that freaks out every time a guy tells her he's interested in more than "just sex." Sure, Aidan said he wanted to "get to know me" but I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to get to know him. So I marked it down as a strange incident and that I would wait until I found someone that I did click with immediately and who didn't constantly talk about themselves whilst bragging about how awesome and amazing they are at their job.

That is until he sent me a text again, just like clockwork, this past Thursday, asking if I wanted to go out again. His plan this time was to get a hotel in Central. We'd spend the day roaming the city and spend the night "shagging our brains out" (his words, not mine. Ew). His other text was just plain minging, to be quite honest, and I didn't even dignify it with a response.

Then yesterday, he started again with the ringing and the texting and the Bothering Me While I'm Out Having Fun. It was approximately half eleven when I told Trish, "this is crazy. I'm not even DATING HIM."

I decided right then and there to cut off all ties. This couldn't go on. This was driving me INSANE. I felt like it was a complete role reversal, but damn, I don't think even I would have jumped all over a person I was interested in like he did. He was like a terrier with ADD and needed to be put on Ritalin immediately.

Trish wrote out a text for me the first time, but it was too long-winded and I just wanted to say something that he couldn't even respond to. So I asked Ryan and he told me to tell him I was seeing someone else, that it was complicated and that we had a history. I opted for a little white lie, but now that I think about it, I kind of wish I just told him that I didn't want to speak to him anymore. I wish I would have just said, "heya, no, I'm not ignoring you, but I don't think I'm ready for all this. I'll give you a call sometime." Even though I'd never call. Ever. It seems a bit more truthful, and I would want to be treated the same if it were me.

Either way, it's done. I don't think this whole situation has helped me any with opening up to men and learning how to trust, but it has definitely shown me the opposite end of the fence when it comes to commitment. I guess I'll have to reiterate my request to the universe:

Yes, I would like to find someone, and yes, I am ready to be in a relationship. BUT WITH SOMEONE WHO IS SANE AND KNOWS WHEN TO LEAVE ME ALONE.

Thanks.