My Mumbling Thoughts

It's very strange being employed these days and regularly going to a place that I assume I'll be at for the next couple of years. I receive a regular paycheck for the time that I spend here taking care of daily tasks for other people; I get sweet benefits, flexible hours, a bitchin' cafeteria, lovely coworkers, room for advancement, opportunities to learn and work on my own personal growth. The company I work for has been listed for the past nine years as one of Fortune's Magazine's Top 100 Best Companies to Work for.

And it really is.

One thing that I've noticed, though, is that while everyone is extremely professional and lovely all the time, there is an underlying dating scene that seems to be happening very quietly without anybody noticing. I remember at my previous Hell Job that I used to work at before I went to uni, people were unashamed and let their personal relationships fly proudly out in the open for everyone to view, judge and whisper about over lunch. I was the center topic in quite a few of the gossip headlines, and I remember hating it, and hating myself for being so naive about my privacy. If I could do it all over I wouldn't have done half of the things I did with half of the people, and there's no way I would have told a soul about the sins that occured.

At my new, shiny company, however, where everyone smiles and farts rainbows, there is a lot of discression, and more importantly, maturity.

I've only been working here roughly two months now, and I've already been asked out four times. Yes, three times was by the same person (persistent little bugger), and the other time was from a married man, but nonetheless, I have been asked out.

I said no each time, because quite frankly, I didn't want to be That Girl again. Ugh, That Girl I was in the past was a total slut. A HUGE slut. And it was okay for her to run rampant in London, but it's definitely not okay to let her run loose at the new awesome job that I love and have a clean slate at. I've learned my lesson, and while it is tempting sometimes (and I know it'd be so easy) to send a flirty email, or go out to a "harmless" lunch, I've restrained myself from going down familar paths.

Professionalism is the new word I live by.

Although......

Although.

Old habits are hard to break, and while I've said no to dating/sleeping with anyone I work closely with, I still have a tendancy to gossip, to lean my head in close and whisper about people. And while I have elected to not date anyone in my department, it doesn't mean I can't talk about dating them. Which is totally what I did yesterday afternoon with two of my fellow admins.

We're so cliche' when it comes to gossip. We love it. We love talking about the geeky/nerdy/cute engineer scientist guys we work with/work for/take care of. They're all so sweet, and I know they have to be those guys that I rarely spoke to in high school, and now they've ended up getting sweet jobs, at awesome companies making serious bank.

So we talk, us admin ladies, and we look but don't touch. We scope out the scene and say who we think is cute, who we would totally go out with if they weren't already married, and hang our heads in sadness when we find out that another one is in engaged. There's no harm in talk.

Of course my fellow admins that I talk with are already married or have a serious boyfriend of the past two years. I am the only single admin around these parts it seems. I think I'm the only single person in my group of friends. Everyone is shacked up with someone, and I'm starting to feel like maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm too picky. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe this whole time I thought I was ready for a relationship but I'm really not, and subconciously I've been keeping myself emotionally distant this whole time.

Maybe. I don't really know. I haven't given it much thought recently.

But my fellow admins know of my singledom and want me to jump in the discreet work dating pool, give it a go and see what happens. New Shiny Company is very, very large, and there are plenty of other departments I can sink my teeth into. And who knows, maybe I can get with one of the super smart, super cute, super nerdy guys who are also super sweet and make serious bank. It's early days.

Posted by Sam at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

OH MY GOD SHE LIVES.

Well, kind of. Barely. I'm barely living.

That is so not true. I am LIVING. ALIVE. LIVING EVERYDAY TO THE FULLEST.

Okay, not really. I'm just busy now, and I have a job, and Humphrey goes to daycare, and I sit in traffic, and I think of outfits to wear for the next day, and I work through my lunch breaks, and I, and I, and I.....

Oh yeah, I GOT A JOB.

FINALLY. You remember like a gajillion years ago when I was unemployed and hated my life? Well, now I'm EMPLOYED and LOVE my life. Okay, the all caps makes it sound way more exciting than it actually is, but I was definitely over the moon and had what seemed like an endless amount of what I like to call, New Hire High. Seriously, I've never been so happy in my life. My coworkers are lovely and were so welcoming when I first started I just wanted to hug and kiss every single one of them whilst telling them through my tears of joy how happy I am to be here.

SO HAPPY.

So, so very happy.

I've come down off the New Hire High, but I'm still very much happy to be here, to have a place to go to everyday and work and be productive and learn so many new things. It's the complete opposite of my previous Hell Job all those years ago, and it's still taking me some time to get used to the fact that people are genuinely happy to be here. I mean, I thought they were all sick when I first got here because they were always so damn happy and that they were definitely on something, because every time I turned around there was another smile staring at me asking me how I was doing. I thought it would get annoying after a while, but even after being here for nearly two months now, its kind of rubbed off on me, and sometimes I can't help myself from skipping down the hallway or randomly jumping up and down with giddiness.

Lots of joy. Lots of happiness. Lots of no longer being bored. This job definitely keeps me busy and sometimes it's hard to find large chunks of time that I can use to cruise the internet to do important things like update this here blog that I love so much, and neglect equally so.

To be honest, though, it felt good not to write for a while. I have done absolutely zero writing since I turned in my final portfolios (that nearly killed me during the Christmas break). The need to write wasn't there. The thrill, as they say, was gone. The urge had disappeared. I was happily occupied at my new job, with my new coworkers, doing new things that I didn't feel like writing. It was a much needed break after forcing myself to write mediocre things that I felt nothing for.

So one week turned in two, then turned into one month and so forth. I had no mumbling thoughts.

They always find me eventually, though. There I was standing in the shower at 4:12a.m. rinsing shampoo out of my hair and I found myself constructing would-be sentences for future blog posts that I'd want to write. I even physically wrote some of them down in a fancy notebook that I permanently borrowed from the work supply closet.

Whenever I have one of the longest days ever before the sun rises, I like to listen to rap. It makes me feel better and puts life into perspective. Have I ever had to sell crack on the corner while getting shot at by enemy gangstas? No, I haven't. My life is petty in comparison.

The words popped into my head, began forming sentences, paragraphs and would continue winding their way through my thoughts while I was in morning traffic, and would reappear whenever I found a spare minute at work.

They always find me eventually. And I can't stay away.

Although now that I'm sitting back behind the computer screen and typing all of these fabulous words out, I find once again I have nothing of importance to say. There's no point in recounting the past two months, and aside from my newfound employment nothing of substantial merit has happened. Nothing to me anyway. Far, far away from my tiny world in Virginia, many substantial things have happened and are definitely worth mentioning, and thinking about. However, there aren't many more words that I could contribute to the already unspeakable events.

The world turns, the days go on, shit happens and there's not much else we can do about it. Nothing, I supposed, except to pick up right where we left off.

It definitely feels good to be back.

Posted by Sam at 07:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)