"That's why I hold you here"
I love long weekends. What I hate is when they end and I have to go back to work and deal with everything I didn't feel like doing the week before. It's bad after Labor Day as well, since that's when all the kids go back to school and we have to deal with Terrible Traffic Tuesday. Ugh, it's the worst.
I thought it'd be a relatively quiet Tuesday (at least that's how it started out), and then WHAM! Everyone decided that they needed something at 10a.m. Can you get me a pager? Can you reserve three conference rooms for these three days at this certain level? Can you reserve me an auditorium that can hold at least 85 people? Why isn't my clock working? Can you schedule this meeting ASAP? Can you write the new hire's welcome email? Can you resend me that email you sent two weeks ago? Where's all the candy? Can you, Sam?
Grrrr.....
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
I do love my job really. And it is my job to take care of these things, but good lord, when you hear it all the time, sometimes you feel less like an admin and more like their mother.
I don't want to complain about work, though, because regardless of how annoying it can be from time to time, I am very grateful that I have a place that I can go to every day, and they give me a paycheck every two weeks. Everyone is really lovely, and sometimes when I'm walking around, I can't help but laugh. I work with some of the kookiest people. There are quiet some characters.
Recently (mainly when I'm sitting in traffic), I get flashbacks of London. I sure do miss my city. When I miss it these days, though, it's different from when I used to miss it, and long for it at the same time. I used to obsess and wish with every part of myself that I could go back. I wanted so much to be back there. These days, however, I miss it and then I let it go. I can remember and smile, rather than remember and get depressed for a week. Maybe it's all of my counseling, or maybe it's because I've been keeping up with my vitamin D (I am such a firm believer in those supplements), but I feel like I'm growing out of London Town, and finally starting to appreciate my Virginia life. I appreciate it so much now, I've decided to do my masters degree here in about two years.
Yes, y'all, I have decided to go back to school. Only this time I'm not going to fuck it up. I'm going to give it an actual go. As my good friend Jon said to me, "nothing like a year in a job you really don't wanna be doing to put your wasted education in perspective."
Word.
This is my new Life Plan that I've decided on. I'm aiming to get into a masters program in about two years (damn those student loans), and then I'll give a real try at Creative Writing with English. Again. And hopefully the second time round (and no drugs) will be a much more positive experience for me.
I decided this a couple of weeks ago, when the beginning of my counseling epiphany began to reveal itself, and the Old Sammi Jo started coming out of the dark. I remember I was sitting in my car, in the normal every day traffic, and somewhere from the deep recesses of my mind, a voice came out of nowhere and said, "you're going to be okay." I can't remember exactly what I was thinking about at the time, but I remember those words, and I remember the voice sounding gentle, caring, and so honest. It was the first positive thing I had thought to myself in months. I almost started crying right there in my car.
Ever since that day, I just keep building on the positivity around me. Sometimes I wonder if people are annoyed with my newfound optimism, but I don't care. I still get annoyed with work, and when I'm sitting in traffic I wish I could be doing other social things with my time, but I stay in a generally good mood. Because now I have an idea of where I want to go and it's something to work with. Now I can plan for a future that doesn't involve me answering phones for people, and making sure that the supply cabinet stays consistently full.
I'm going to be okay.
It's good to finally know that.