"It's you, it's you, it's all for you"
When he looks at me, he looks me straight in the eyes, and won't blink. He's staring at me with about four inches of space in between our faces, and he sees me.
I, on the other hand, will blink 100 times, and stare at his chin, or perhaps his cheek, but I won't lock with his gaze and hold it there. Because it terrifies me.
I have a boyfriend. A real boyfriend. A tall boyfriend. A smart boyfriend. A terribly funny boyfriend.
We have been "dating" or "together" or "whatever" now for about six weeks. That's our entire relationship, and within these six ongoing weeks, I've never thought that it could be this easy. "It" being coming together with another person who I'm so uncomfortably comfortable with. I didn't fancy him straight away, and thinking about it now, it's probably for the best. I didn't get swept up in him all of his presence, and it didn't take over my day-to-day life, which can easily happen whenever I am in-fancy with someone. Instead I pandered, I went back and forth on whether I should even attempt to be anything more with him, and thought long and hard about what I wanted to do with this new man presence who entered my world.
It's strange, though, because even though I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to make a serious attempt at getting to know him, somewhere deep inside me, ever since day one, I knew that I had the capacity to really be with him. I knew it straight away. I may not have acknowledged that little voice that said, "hey, this is a genuinely good guy," but I knew it existed, and even though it took me a few days, and a few dates to figure it out, I'm really glad I listened.
His name is Jeremy, he is two years older than me, and he's employed. He's well over a foot taller than me, he shares my love of cake, and it surprises me that we've only known each other for such a small amount of time, and yet already it feels like us being together is normal, natural, and right. I don't stress the small stuff around him, nor am I anywhere near as crazy and neurotic like I've been in the past with other guys. I think being sober helps a lot, and being a lot more aware of my true self is key. And I like him as a person. I like him a lot.
It feels like every thing happened so quickly, and took forever at the same time. A month after we started dating we became "official." The term boyfriend and girlfriend is now said out loud to other people, and I'm still getting used to hearing that word coming out of my mouth in reference to him, or hearing him say it in reference to me. We're obviously still learning about each other, but we're both so eager to uncover each other's lives and meld seamlessly in the present and our future, it's like we can't get enough. What's your favorite color, your favorite movie, your favorite food? What was your childhood like? What about your previous relationships? What do you want to do with your future? Tell me everything, because I'm dying to know everything about you.
I don't have to be Super Sam 24/7 when he's around. I can be boring, I can be cranky, and I can make zero effort with my appearance, and he still wants to hang out with me. I can be myself, and he'll still laugh. And I don't expect him to be anyone else other than himself around me. It is, truly, what I've been imagining for as long as I can remember.